SHARE Atlanta Grief Support for Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Share Logo

"Sharing" Our Stories/Thoughts - Along this Path


First Anniversary...Entries - '97-'99

The only gift that we can send
is our thoughts and prayers and lots of love
HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TY CORY
RenÚ
Ty Cory Montgomery 11/24/96
Radford, VA


Why does the first anniversary affect us so strongly?

This should be our child's first birthday. As with a first birthday, we remember back to the birth and all of the circumstances around that time. Obviously, for us that means recalling all of the memories and, of course our child died. Usually, this comes after we have started to have some peace around our loss.

Briefly, we return to a level of pain that we have left behind. For most of us, it is not the same as a year ago, but it is difficult to face. It helps if we can recognize this time and gather ourselves together enough to plan something "positive" to do.

Please be gentle with yourself - one small event such as lighting a candle - may be all you can handle for now. Marcia McGinnis '97







First Year Anniversary

"Our Little Miracles" by Erica (12/97)

"Your First Birthday" by Rene (10/97)

"The Anniversary of our Daughter's Birth/Death" by MaryBeth (11/97)



"Nora's First Birthday" by Lisa (1/98)

"Eric Leslie was our 4th child, 2nd son.." by Krista (2/98)

"Lost but not forgotten." by Doreen (2/98)

"To Jeremy- 3/22/97" by Carissa and Edward (3/98)

"Miriam" by Pat (5/98)

"One Year Ago" by Jana (6/98)

"Noble Ragale McQuiggin" by Stephanie (10/8/98)

"Jacob" by Shannon (3/12/99)

"One year later...." by Jennifer (3/30/99)

"A year and a half later..." by Lorrie (4/27/99)

"Premature Labour" by Cheryl (4/29/99)

"ALMOST THERE" by Tracy (4/30/99)

"Baby Joey" by Mary (5/11/99)

"In Loving Memory of Whitney Ryann Sept. 4,1998" by Jaimie (6/11/99)

"One Year" by Monica (10/10/99)

"Lily" by Emily (11/25/99)
BR>

"Jesse (God's Gift)" by Leanne (12/2/99)

"Our Christmas Angel" by Tammy (12/11/99)

"Noah William Hill" by Tami (12/31/99)

"My Darling Adam" by Tracey (12/24/99)





Feelings, reactions and memories, after a year, are shared by Erica in her two beautiful dedications to her twin girls, Arianna and Brianna.

The first dedication tells of her great sadness and valid anger of the loss of their girls - and of her love. So many times parents are afraid to share these real feelings - we, as a society, try to deny these feelings( I have!).

The second dedication tells of the positive loving feelings she remembers around their girls. Both dedications tell fully how very special these two angels are to them. They also show how our feelings for our babies are there after one year - and how these little ones will be forever in our hearts. (Marcia)

Our Little Miracles

It has been a year since I loss my little angels. It hurts me very deeply that my babies aren't here with us. I know in my heart that our girls are still here with us and watching over us.

Someday we will be reunited again, but it just seems like an eternity. I really don't have the words to express how I feel. I just feel sad and angered that our girls had to be taken from us. I just need them and miss them.

And my only question in life is "WHY US?". That is something I will never find out.

What I do know is that Arianna and Brianna will always be are first children and will always be remembered and cherished in our hearts.

We will forever and always love you, our little angels.

Love your Mommy and Daddy
Forever be in our hearts....


Our Little Angels

It has been a year since you have been with us. Finding out we were having twins was very exhilerating. Seeing two little heartbeats on that monitor made me very happy, until I had to let you go.

I gave birth to the two little angels that God needed from me. I am glad that I had you inside me for six months and outside for just a couple of minutes, but know forever you will always be in my heart.

I will always cherish the moments I had with you girls. Be in peace, my little angels.

Love your Mom and Dad

Erica
Arianna and Brianna
12/15/96
Second trimester loss
Worcester, MA
jbloem@kersur.net
12/21/97

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your first Birthday
such plans I had


Many decorations and balloons all done in blue
and cake and ice cream too

Presents and toys
and lots of little girls and boys

Hugs and kisses all around
everyone laughing and playing along

Your first Birthday
what plans I had

Your first Birthday
what a Birthday you shall have

There's nothing that can compare
to the celebration Jesus has planned

I only hope that you will know
that mommy and daddy miss you so

The only gift that we can send
is our thoughts and prayers and lots of love

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TY CORY
LOVE MOMMY AND DADDY
RENE AND DUSTIN MONTGOMERY


RenÚ
Ty Cory Montgomery 11/24/96
Died soon after birth
Radford, VA
kmontgomery@shelby.net
10/16/97

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Anniversary of our Daughter's Birth/Death

Our precious first baby, Mikaela was stillborn on May 2, 1996 at 24 weeks due to a true knot in her umbilical cord. Otherwise, she was absolutely perfect in every way.

On her original due date, August 18, 1996 we were so lost, confused and in so much pain that I can't even remember exactly what was happening then. Our world had quit turning but somehow, with the help of God, we were surviving.

It was a hard road back to allowing ourselves to even think about living again.

On May 2 of this year I was, ironically enough, 24 weeks pregnant again. My husband and I, along with my parents went to the ocean and camped on the beach for a couple of days.

My parents also lost their first born. We were a little scared since we were at the same stage in this pregnancy that we were in the last and the memories of Mikaela's death were so clear in our minds.

It helped us to be somewhere peaceful on that day, somewhere away from home. We still shed quite a few tears, and we still do, sometimes but we can think of Mikaela and finally smile through our tears.

On Mikaela's actual due date this year, we were bringing home our new precious miracle. Jennifer Rebekah was born on August 15, 1997, just three days before her and her sister's due dates.

Thankfully, I had a blessed pregnancy, labor, delivery and every day thereafter. Jenny will never replace Mikaela. We didn't want or expect her to. She is, however, the breath that makes us whole.

See Sibling Grief, "Special Keepsakes for Mikaela," "New Arrivals ~ Jenny," "Mikaela Elizabeth, May 2, 1996" by MaryBeth (8/17/01, and Jason Arrives!

MaryBeth
Mikaela Elizabeth
05/02/96
Stillborn
Patuxent River,Md
E-mail
11/14/97

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lisa's Thoughts about Nora's First Anniversary

Well yesterday, the 19th was Noras anniversary, thank god I actually coped quite well, well better than I thought I would.

I couldn't face coming into work, so I phoned in saying I had severe migraines, but I told me boss when she phoned yesterday evening the truth, and she was very sympathic.

The whole of last week was a bit of a nightmare, I was reliving everything I went through a year previous.

I had planned to go to Nora's grave on Sunday, but bottled out. But guilt overcame me on Sunday night, and I knew I had to go to her grave yesterday.

It was my brothers and nephews birthday on Saturday. I think the hard thing for me was my nephews birthday, CiÓrian (Cir - on) was that he was born the day I first went into hospital with my troubles. It is a bit upsetting when I see him - as I do feel my daughter should be his age.

I was slightly p... off that not one of my family bothered to ask about Nora, or where her grave is. I think it is pig ignorance.

I would love for one of them to phone me and say "Lisa, could we come out to Noras grave with you" nor did they even send flowers to me to put on her grave, not even my mother has mentioned it. They all know exactly the date it happened, as it was marked by CiÓrian's birthday. Well, as the saying goes "little apples grow into big ones".

(Lisa is speaking about getting an angel necklace or pin here...)I just need that little special momento to carry around with me. I was at a market on Sunday, and had no money with me! when I saw these beautiful angels. They are made in pottery and are about 12 inches long and painted gold or white. They all have different expressions. I intend going next week with money, and buying one, to keep on the wall over our bed.

See "Born Too Soon," "The Little Angels" - A Special Plot in Dublin, Ireland in "Our Memorial Service," Midterm Loss/Unknown cause, Mother's Day in Ireland, and First Anniversary for more of Lisa's story.

"How others might have helped..." by Lisa (1/98)

And Chloe arrives!

Marcia's comments: I sent Lisa an angel "birthstone" pin. It was special to think that this pin would be from the USA for a special baby in Ireland!

Lisa
Nora - 19/01/97
Second Trimester Loss
Dublin, Ireland
1/98
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Memories and reflections of a tragic time - a year later

My name is Krista Cox, from N.E. Ohio. Eric Leslie was our 4th child, 2nd son.This been so difficult, as I feel totally on my own dealing with his loss.

Please visit Why Grieve? to read the loving poem Krista wrote for Eric.

Krista
Eric Leslie Cox
Stillborn
10/3/96
Wadsworth, Ohio
coxfamly@bright.net
2/18/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lost but not forgotten."


Even though I had you for ten short weeks, I knew in my heart you were a boy, so I named you after your grandpa and uncle.

I realized something today as I sat at my computer, if you had lived you would be 5 months old now. I can picture you with 4 little teeth, 2 at the top 2 on the bottom, just grinning away. You'd have a turf of hair on top of your head with very little on the sides and in the back. You'd be tiny, barely twenty pounds, but your all boy and very beautiful and handsome. But this is only a dream - fate made it this way.

Loved and missed
by mom and dad
Doreen and Wendel

Visit Healing a Loss after a Miscarriage...Doreen's Diary

Doreen
JAMES HOWARD JOHNSON
2/27/97
Miscarriage
EAST ORANGE , NJ
DJohn88938@aol.com
2/25/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Jeremy- 3/22/97

We are remembering you with aching hearts on your first anniversary.
Tonight we light a candle in your memory.
Daddy and I hold each other tight and wish you were here with us.
Your new baby sister will be here soon and she will know all about you.

Hugs and Kisses to you.

Carissa and Edward
Jeremy Charles Schlesinger
Stillborn
Holmdel, NJ
EdBo1@aol.com
3/22/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miriam


I lost my first daughter, Miriam, 12 months ago.

Her little 1 lb. body taught me more than any other person has. I have streamlined my life, and have excluded individuals who drained me, which includes my parents.

I am better for having her, but I want her back. I would give my life for just 5 minutes, for 1 minute, of her time. I delivered on my husband's and my first anniversary. The agony has no words.

Here I am, one year later. I thought I was stable, but I feel vacant. I am pregnant again, but am absent of excitement. How does one have another baby?

Pat
Miriam
Denver, CO
sleepsgood@aol.com
5/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Year Ago......

One year ago, my eyes were filled with tears
Today I can see a brighter future

One year ago, my ears listened for your cries
Today, I can enjoy hearing children laugh

One year ago, my arms ached to hold you
Today, I can embrace my famly, friends, life

One year ago, my heart was crushed by grief
Today, it beats with pride that I have come so far

One year ago, my soul was utterly lost
Today, my life force and faith are strong

One year ago, I could have died because I missed you so much
Today, I have learned to live with missing you.

One year ago, today and tomorrow
one thing will remain the same,

Mommie will always love you.

In memory of Kylie Renee LaFlair
Stillborn at 37 weeks on 5/18/98



I can't believe I have survived a year - it amazes me.

I really have been wanting to write something that may help someone else realize they can and will get through this madness. It's not easy, but its do-able.

Yes, Kim(an internet & local friend) and I have been very close. We have yet to meet face to face but we burn up the phone lines and email :-) She is a great gal and she has provided unbelievable support as I have approached and passed the 1 year mark. Jana

Visit Jana's diary of her loss and her subsequent pregnancy ~ Ava arrives!!

Jana
Kylie Renee LaFlair
5/18/97
Stillborn
Marietta, GA
janal@xtras.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


As the 1st Anniversary Approaches
---------------------------------

As the first anniversary of my son, Ian's, stillbirth approaches, I've been overwhelmed with thoughts of him. I'm also having flashbacks from last year.

For instance, after a long walk last night, I jumped in the shower to cool off and suddenly broke down in tears as I flashed back to the day when I heard the doctor say, "I can't find the heartbeat." And then I found myself thinking of being in the hospital room again, three days of induced labor, waiting for my son to be born, hoping the doctor would be wrong and Ian would cry after all.

Somehow, I'm still able to find hope inside of me, hope for another pregnancy, hope that it will happen soon. However these last 2 weeks my thoughts have been overwhelmed with Ian.

And if anything else, I have finally accepted within myself that even though my son was stillborn, I am fortunate to have known him and I am proud to be Ian's Mother. If I have no other children, I am able to find happiness in knowing that I had Ian; he is so special to me.

I have some special plans for Ian's first birthday, some not altogether finalized.

I'm working on a memorial poem for the local newspaper and I am buying a few gifts for Ian here & there, including a Boyd's bear named "Nelson," a set of miniature lacrosse sticks (my husband's favorite game), a Precious Moments figure of a boy angel and I plan to buy pink & blue carnations and set one of each on all the other children's graves in the cemetary where Ian is buried.

I read an article in today's newspaper indicating Princess Diana's son's said something to the effect, "let our mother rest in peace because constant reminders of her death can create nothing but pain to those she left behind." How sad. How sad that those boys don't think they can continue to grieve or should continue to grieve, at least that's the way I interpret the comment.

Yes, my son Ian died nearly a year ago, and even though I have alot more better days, I still cry, I'm still sad, I still need to live through the pain. It will be with me forever. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Now, I have to go cry again. I miss my son. I love my son. I'm proud to be Ian's Mother.



1st Anniversary Poem
--------------------


In Memory of: Ian Marcus Walter, 9/11/97

How silly if people think
"You shoud be over this by now"
Our first child, stillborn son
So wanted, so loved from the start
Unique on his own, special creation
Beautiful boy who stole our hearts.

How silly if people think
"Life goes on" just like before
Loneliness, sadness, forevermore.
Life does go on, in a different way
Our son will remain a part of us
Even after we're old and gray.

How silly if people think
"Time heals" the grieving soul
Time helps yet leaves behind a hole.
We miss our son each and every day
We miss what "could have been"
Dreams ... suddenly swept away.

Ian, we miss you dearly
And love you more
You are always a part of our family.
You live in our hearts
Until we see you again in Heaven.

Love, Mommy & Daddy





JoAnn's Diary...A mother's reflections in loving memory of her son, Ian ~

E-mails to SHARE Atlanta from 9/97 for over a year's time.

JoAnn
Ian Marcus Walter
9/11/97
Stillborn
Binghamton, NY
9/11/98
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our Angel Baby, Abbey


It's been a tough road for almost a year now. But I've attended the Share group in our area, and also written to many woman thru the parent connection from the SHARE newsletter.

Talking & writing & letting family & friends know how I'm feeling and how I encourage them to talk about Abbey has helped me thru this terrable experience. I don't like what's happened but I know I must keep faith that God knows best and has reasons we can't understand now for Abbey not being here.

I am pregnant with our second baby girl, and I have to be grateful for being blessed with her, because in my eyes she is the only good & positive to come out of Abbey's death.

I'm 36 weeks along as I write, and we will induce in two weeks on Sept.23,1998. Alls good so far, I've already began to dialate 1/2 cm and effaced 50%. Not much, but for my body,and compared to my pregnancy with Abbey, we were 39 weeks and still nothing.

Abbey,s 1st birthday is the 27th of Sept. The same time isn't bothering me so much, I'm more worried that everyone else is going to forget Abbeys birthday,just because her sister will just have been born.

So, I sent invitations to our family & friends to join us at the cemetery to sing Happy Birthday to Abbey, and let balloons go in her memory. I asked if they'd like to recite a poem or say a little something to Abbey to please do so. My little sister put together all the songs that meant something to us after she died, so we'll play that in the back ground. I know I'll say something, especially about why I believe this has happened.

I truly believe God & Abbey know for some reason Abbey was to be our angel above and that her baby sister is the one to be here on earth with us, to experience all those baby firsts with. And for that I thank my Abbey, that she gave up her life here with us and give her sister a life here instead.

If there's one thing I've learned about grief, it's that we all go thru it differently, and no one of us is right or wrong. But you can't avoid it or get around it. You must deal with it so you can come to a peace within yourself, and go on with your life here without our babies.

We can't let this make us bitter and mad at the world or God. You will go thru a stage like that, but you must get past that. I know I don't want to become a bitter old lady, and I know Abbey wouldn't want that either. I wish all well and comfort thru your grief,and remember keep having FAITH, faith is believing in advance what will only make sense in reverse!!!!!!!

(From a different e-mail by Lisa...) Say a prayer for us, Please. I wish peace & comfort to all who've also lost a child. And remember we're all different,and how we progress thru our grief is our own, and we must deal with it how we're most comfortable.

Please don't try and avoid it. It won't go away. You must go thru the stages of grief and come to a comfort zone, so you and your family can go on with the rest of your lives. We can't let the loss of our babies make us mean, bitter people. They wouldn't want that & we shouldn't either.

Sincerly Lisa


Visit "Our Angel Baby" by Lisa (9/8/98)to read all of Lisa's experience...

LISA
ABBEY LEIGH PAWELKIEWICZ
9-27-97
Stillborn
CAROL STREAM, IL
9/7/98
E-mail

Marcia's comment: Your wisdom and understanding will lend support to so many parents as they struggle to allow themselves the permission to grieve. Our society, as you know, does not make this difficult process easier by dening our needs. I so agree with you, our children would not want us to become bitter...then the love we feel for them would never be shared. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Your First Anniversary


A year. It's been a year. A year since you moved within me. A year since I heard your heartbeat. A year since I saw you suck your thumb on the ultrasound screen. A year. A year seems so final. It's been a year since I've held you within my body but only a second since I've held you within my heart.

In Loving Memory of

Anne Elizabeth

Stillborn, July 21, 1989

From your mother,

Peggy.

For more of Peggy's writings: "Everyday I wonder what it would have been like to have you here with us...", and "Annie's Birthday Gift".

Peggy
Anne Elizabeth, Stillborn
Atlanta, GA
SHARE Atlanta
9/5/98
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I think of you I look up in the sky
I blow a kiss to heaven, and tell myself not to cry
Sometimes the tears flow down, no matter what I do
And even though more time has passed I still find myself thinking of you

Everyday I see your face somewhere in my mind
And in your little sister, a piece of you I find
I know that you too see us everyday
And watch out for us in a very special way

And someday we will be together again
That is when our lives will truly begin...

Mommie

Stephanie
Noble Ragale McQuiggin
Died soon after birth
9/27/97
Colorado Springs, CO
10/8/98
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jacob


Everything seemed to be going great. I was feeling my baby move all the time, and I could not wait for July 18, 1998 to get here so my son would enter this world.

But, in March of 98 I had to go to the hospital. They informed me my water had started leaking. All I could do was cry and pray.

I stayed in the hospital from a Sunday (and I was doing pretty good) until the next Thursday it was time for my son to enter the world. I just couldn't keep him inside any longer because the cord was coming out. My son moved until he came out at 6:30 March 26.

We all got to hold him and he was the sweetest thing I had ever seen, but I couldn't understand why me. We got to bring him home and have a burial service for him. I still wonder why. I know he is still with me though.

His birthday is in a couple of weeks. I don't know how I'll handle it, but we'll make it through. He knows he's our little angel. And as his gravestone says- Always in our hearts.

Shannon
Jacob Christian Smith
3-26-98
Second trimester loss
Birmingham, Al
3/12/99
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One year later....

One year later, everyone else has forgotten.
I remember.

One year later, they think I'm fine.
I'm not.

One year later, and their world continues to turn.
Although I wish I could say mine has stopped, that I will never go on, that would not do you justice. You are worth more than the end of my life. Instead, one year later, I realize that you are a new beginning. New perspectives, new friends, new priorities, new goals.

One year later, nothing else has changed.
I have.

One year later, no one else remembers.
I do.

I love you, little life.
Love, Mommy



"And I bless the day I met you, and I thank God that he let you Lay beside me for a moment that lives on. And the good news is I'm better for the time we spent together, And the bad news is you're gone."

See Pass It On, Sibling Grief, and "A letter to Jacob G." by his mommy, Jennifer

Jennifer G.
Jacob
Miscarriage
Roswell, GA
3/30/99
SHARE Atlanta E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A year and a half later...

This was my first pregnancy. I had found out I was pregnant and three weeks later was told I had an ectopic pregnancy. The loss was devestating. It has been over a year and a half. However the loss is just as fresh and painful as it was when it happened.

Baby Wickwire
August 30 1997
Ectopic
Plattsburgh, NY
4/27/99
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Premature Labour


My waters broke at 19wks with no warning after having a perfect pregnancy with everything going well.

I was immediately took in to hospital and put on complete bedrest and told that the outlook was bleak and all l could do was hope.

I held on and hoped and prayed for four days until l went to the loo and found the baby's cord had come down killing my baby instantly. I had to go through full labour the next day and gave birth 8hrs later to a very tiny but beautiful baby girl at 20wks.

I held her straight away when they asked and we managed to get a priest to do a blessing on her, and we had a proper funeral for her.

I lost my little girl nearly a year ago and it still hurts but not as much as it did. What helped me was that I held her when she was born so l had a chance to say goodbye to her, l have photos l can look at but most importantly l wrote her a letter telling her that l loved her and explained well tried to about how l felt about her and her death.

She was my fifth baby but my second miscarriage.

What l would like to say to other parents is that it does get better and you will always remember your baby but don't bottle your grief up talk about it to your family and friends talking will help to ease the pain.

"Grieving and unable to come to terms with another funeral" by Cheryl (4/29/99)... Cheryl asks for support around her subsequent loss...

Cheryl
Victoria Ellen Pavlovsky
5/19/98
Second trimester loss
Oldham, England
4/29/99
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ALMOST THERE


It is coming upon a year May 15 that I lost my daughter and only child Dominique at 22 1/2 weeks. I can honestly say I have come a long way and am a better person because of this loss.

I didn't think in this life time I would ever understand the reason for my loss, but believe now that it was to make me a stronger/better person. I have dealt with depression off and on in my life and never really felt good about myself.

I now have a more positive out look of myself and of life. I have a hard time believing it myself sometimes, but TIME DOES HEAL.

I have met some wonderful people through this site who have helped me, and I have also been able to help. To me it makes a big difference when I am able to help others who have lost babies.

I miss my baby girl everyday and still shed plenty of tears, but the pain is less each day. Thanks to all of you who have provided support thru this most difficult year.



AS TIME PASSES MY PAIN
BECOMES LESS, BUT THERE
WILL ALWAYS BE A SCAR DEEP
WITHIN MY CHEST

WHEN YOU WENT TO BE AN
ANGEL, PART OF ME WENT TOO,THE
HOPES AND DREAMS I HAD HAVE
FOREVER BEEN ERASED BECAUSE
YOU ARE NOT WITH ME IN THIS
TIME AND PLACE

A YEAR IS FAST APPROACHING
THAT YOU LEFT SO SILENTLY,
I NEVER GOT TO HEAR YOU CRY
OR SEE YOU LOOK AT ME

I NEVER THOUGHT LOVING YOU
COULD MAKE ME FEEL SO SAD,
MY LIFE FOREVER CHANGED
WHEN YOURS BEGAN

YOU HAVE GIVEN ME A STRENGTH
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FIND,
YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE LIFE
HAS HELPED ME TO FIND MIND

I'LL ALWAYS BE YOUR MOM
AND HOPE YOU ALWAYS KNOW
NO MATTER WHERE I AM I
WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU SO

In Loving memory of Dominique Lee
Born premature at 22 1/2 weeks
May 15, 1998
Written by her Mom, Tracy
May 5, 1999



"Lost Soul" by Tracy (7/98)

Lots of Love
Dominique's Mom
Tracy

Dominique Lee
051598
Second trimester loss
Mt Pleasant, Mi
4/30/99
E-mail
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baby Joey


As I barely make it through my first Mother's Day since my beautiful Joseph was born still, I have come to accept the fact that my heart will ALWAYS be heavy.

I long to hear you cry, just once, or to have had the opportunity to look into your eyes, my baby boy. The first anniversary of your birth is also this week of Mother's Day, and I promise you I will remember the short time we had together.

I will focus on the memory of feeling you inside my belly, but I will also have to mourn the fact that you were taken from me. You should be here with me right now. You are my son. I am your mother. I know we will be reunited some day, Baby Joey, but until I feel you in my arms again, my heart will ache for you. Love Mommy

Mary
Joseph Sebastian Pisani
Stillborn
05-15-98
Endicott, NY
5/12/99
E-mail
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Loving Memory of Whitney Ryann Sept. 4,1998

This is a poem that I found in a SHARE newsletter. It has been almost a year since Whitney's death and by reading this poem I remember.

My Angel
by Donna Morrison

God placed inside of me a sweet angelic soul
to nurture with my body, for it a place to grow.

I watched with wonder and amazement at the miracle inside,
waiting for the moment where in my arms you now would hide.
Dreams and plans I wove for a future of you and I,
to begin within a second of my baby's newborn cry.
Dreams crash down around me, nothing seeming fair,
when instead of joyful crying, only silence filled the air.
My sanity now uncertain as reality sets in place,
a beautiful daughter, this I know, though i never saw a face.
The pain and longing crushes me as these days just pass on by,
searching for an answer to the obsesssive question,"why?"
I face the future with timid steps for now I walk alone,
God granted me an angel, but had to call her home.

I break through the madness, to try and forge a smile,
at that a rememberance of my very precious child.

Sleep in peace my angel, take good care while we're apart,
remember my sweet darling, you are always in my heart.



Jaimie Romo
Whitney Ryann
Second trimester loss
Houston, TX
8/11/99
E-mail
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Year


It has finally been one year that my precious baby boy Angel was born still. A year that my life and that of others was completely changed. A year in which I have felt a wide array of emotions that I never thought I would feel.

It is so strange how on that day I felt all the emotions that I felt the day that he was born, it was almost as if the wound is still very fresh. I guess in a way it is but also throughtout this year I have grown so so very much.

We didn't do much on his birthday. I stayed up till about 5 am, I stayed up past the exact time that he was born which is 4:43 AM and well that is when it really hit me.

I am so glad that I had a chance to be his mommy though. I guess you could say that I have resolved some of my grief although sometimes it feels as if I were back to that day but I guess that's very normal. At least that is what I think.

His daddy and I bought him some toys. Some Hot Wheels. It felt really good to do that for him. We are going to collect them for him now.

One of the many ways that I have changed this year is that even though I feel so much pain in my heart when I think of him sometimes, it gives me peace to be able to think of him and the time that he spent inside of me and reminisce about it.

His daddy and I talk about him a lot and we are able to laugh and smile and feel joy. Although he is in heaven now he is still our son and we still love him more and more each day.

We got a birthday cake for him and we went to the beach that night. We lit a candle on the cake and we sang happy birthday to him. Although I would much rather have had him here with me and his daddy, looking at the way that things are there wasn't a better way that we could have spent that day.

I would like to thank SHARE for all that they have done for me. If it had not been for my husband's support and SHARE's newsletters, I do not know where I would be today.

I look forward to receiving my newsletters so much. I know that I am going to completely relate with everything I read. And the people that I have met thriugh SHARE have really made my life worthwhile. Well thank you so much SHARE and everyone else that has been there for me.

Dear Angel
Happy 1st Birthday in heaven Sweetie!!!!!
Mommy and Daddy Love you with all of their hearts
our little Butterfly!!!
Kisses and hugs!!!
We are so proud to have been given the chance
to be the parents of an Angel

"All My Love" by Monica (6/12/99), "Holidays" by Monica (4/7/99), "11 months later" by Monica (9/5/99), "Angel Medoza," "My Angel" by Monica (10/4/00)

Monica
Angel Mendoza
September 29th, 1998
Stillborn
Los Angeles, CA
10/10/99
E-mail
6/11/98

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Letters and Poems




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lily


Entry #2:

Update. I coming up on the first anniversary of Lily's stillbirth and am surprised at how painful it is. As time passed throughout the year, I noticed that I did feel better. However, October has been awful. Tears everyday!

I am pregnant again but extremely nervous. There is a complication this time which compounds the stress tremendously.

Thank you to the people who have read my story and have e-mailed me. I must say though that I was not able to return my most recent message (dated October 23, 1999) because it continued to say that the address was unknown. Please e-mail me again as I do want to support you with your recent loss.

"Lily Simone" by Emily (4/13/99)

Emily
Lily Simone Gantner
10/27/98
Stillborn, 40 weeks/cord accident
Redondo Beach, CA
4/13/99
E-mail

Marcia's thoughts, 11/6/99: My thoughts are with you as you move through this pregnancy. If you haven't already, you might want to visit our "Subsequent Pregnancy Menu" for more support. Being pregnant with any extra worries or stress just seems so overwhelming and then to have the anniversary come, too.

Please be gentle with yourself as you move through the anniversary time right now. The month leading up to the day is sometimes harder than the actual day. Then, for some, the few weeks afterwards are hard because you keep thinking if all had gone well, you would have you precious baby there with you. It does get easier again and we keep on healing...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Poems and letters




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesse
(God's Gift)

I never got to hold you,
or look you in the eyes.
I never got to tickle your toes,
or sing you a lullaby.

I sometimes think that life is cruel,
since you were taken away from me.
I guess God needed and angel,
and the perfect one was thee.

I often wonder what you look like,
if you have your Daddy's eyes.
So many words are left unspoken,
so many unanswered whys?

One day I'll get to hold you,
in heaven up above.
For now I'll hold you in me heart,
and remember you with love.

Dedicated in memory of my unborn baby, Jesse. I couldn't think of a name more perfect than one that meant God's gift, you were truly a gift from God, and Mommy's precious little angel.

Love always and forever, Mommy
Jesse
November, 1998
to
December 22nd, 1998
Goodnight Sweetheart!




Leanne
Jesse
12/22/98
Miscarriage
Canada
12/2/99


~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Poems and letters




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Loving Memory of Dawson Nathanael Cash 12-15-98



"Our Christmas Angel"

You have been gone now for a year,
how I have longed to hold you near;
Not kneel beside your little grave,
put on a smile, and try to be brave.

I've wished to kiss your tiny, sweet head,
and tuck you safe and warm in bed.
Not cry these tears, not have my heart break;
But this is our destiny, our intertwined fate.

For me to live a lifetime upon this Earth,
saying, "Good-bye" the day of your birth.
Learning to adore my son from afar;
And smile as his spirit soars among the stars.

Knowing no limits to this mothers love,
at peace in the knowledge your in Heaven above.
Conscious love reaches beyond time and space;
And that you, my son, feel my Eternal Embrace.

Love,
Mommy
Happy First Heavenly Birthday!

We miss you!!
Daddy, Mommy, and Big Brother Zach

"Our Angel, Dawson Nathanael" by Tammy (6/16/99)

Tammy
Dawson Nathanael Cash
Stillborn
Memphis, TN
12/11/99
E-mail

~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Poems and letters




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noah William Hill


Well here it is New Year's Eve. We missed you so much this Christmas and longed for you to be with us. Your first birthday will be coming up so soon.

I thought with time things would get easier. We miss you so much. I long to hold you in my arms. My arms are so empty without you.

I know that you are in the greatest place in the world with you heavenly Father, and I know that one day we will see you again. We will have all of eternity to hold you and your brothers and sisters. I am looking forward to that day. So until then my sweet little angel boy look after your brothers and sisters. Always remember that we LOVE YOU VERY MUCH and YOU ARE MISSED!!!!!!!

We love you!!!!
Mommy, Daddy,
Tony, Josh, and Hannah

Tami
Noah William Hill
Stillborn
Lawrenceville, GA
12/31/99
E-mail

"This would have been Noah 1st Thanksgiving..." by Tami (11/24/99)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Poems and letters




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~







I just read my story in the section on babys dying of heart defects- how far I have come in the last 6 months. I found one of the best things I did was write a letter to my son- I can't believe how much this helped and I would really like to add it to the "letters to our babies' section- thanks for the support.

My darling Adam,

You were as good as it gets!

I have never felt love before like I did when I first laid eyes on you. You were pulled out of mummy's tummy kicking and screaming and as I heard the doctor say "you have a perfect baby boy", I said a quiet thank you to God that you were safe.

I knew it had been a difficult journey for me as I had been so sick for so long, but the thought of you kept me going.

Little did I know what was in store for you, my darling boy. In the next few hours, your world was turned upside down. Instead of being surrounded by the sound of laughter and joy, the perfume of flowers and the softness and warmth of my breast you heard the sound of helicopter blades, voices other than my own, and machines that kept you alive.

For 5 long days I sat by your side petrified that you would leave us, but your dad helped me hang on through the long days and nights, waiting for you to "turn the corner". He had such confidence that you would be alright, that I was too scared to say what I was thinking- I felt you were not going to be with us for long, despite what I was being told by everyone.

When my worst fears were finally confirmed with the doctors words after your heart scan, "it's as bad as it gets", you helped me find a strength I didn't know I was capable of.

My mother's protective instinct kicked in and I knew I had to be there for you in every way- there was no time to think of myself, just decisions that had to be made to make your short life as beautiful as it could be- this was a time to shower you with love that would last a lifetime-the last 24 hours of your life were the most cherished of my life.

I would have given my life for you in an instant but there was nothing to be done but tell you how much I loved you and to say goodbye. My love for you surpassed any emotion I had ever felt- when you were born you gave me the chance to experience the highest high imaginable. When you were placed in my arms my heart melted - I had finally come home-I physically ache every minute for that feeling again.

Amidst the anguish and desperation came peace every time I held you or touched you- you were a miracle who was here for such a short time but changed me forever. You made me a mother and for that I say thank you.

I now know what it's like to experience the most pure love. In my mind I see your little face and when that frown would appear all I had to do was croon softly to you and stroke your beautiful forehead and you would relax and appear content- what a feeling! The rest of the world didn't exist- it was just you and me and I will remember those moments for the both of us.

You had perfect little fingers that would grasp mine and hang on until you fell asleep. You had a beautiful sleep in my arms before you died, my boy. I sat as still as I could be and watched you sleep- you were the most precious thing I had ever laid eyes on and it was hard to believe you came from me.

While you were sleeping I dreamt that you and I would do this many times in our lives, but now I am left only with the memory that I must keep fresh in my mind so I can retrieve it and play it over and over again.

For 6 long days I mentally willed you to give me the chance to look into your eyes. I had given up hope and thought it was another blank I would have to fill in after you left, but as you took your last breath you opened your eyes for the first and last time and looked straight into my very soul.

This pain is as deep as it gets -it hurts because I was given a taste of you and then you had to leave. I felt helpless- a mother is supposed to be able to fix their child when they are hurt- I just couldn't pick you up and kiss it better.

As your mother, I'm supposed to be sitting quietly by your crib, watching you sleep and smelling your sweet baby breath - but I'm not I'm supposed to be watching your little face light up when I walk in the room- but I'm not I'm supposed to be preparing for your first birthday, looking back at all the milestones you have reached in your first year of life- but I'm not Instead, I am desperately trying to make some sort of sense out of something that makes no sense- I feel like I have been ravaged by an emotional cyclone.

Some parts of me are gone forever, some are badly damaged and slowly being repaired and some are different and better than before- but through it all the memories of you continue to touch my soul and somehow keep me going.

You bonded your parents in a way that I thought impossible and your legacy is remembered with each loving touch and each knowing look between your father and I.

You came from love- a gift from God made from flesh and bone, but you have given me the greatest gift of all- motherhood, and you will be with me for all eternity, because, my little man, you were as good as it gets.

With more love than them all,
Mummy

Tracey
Adam Kenneth Lowe
Dec 9, 1998
Died soon after birth/Hypoplastic Left Heart
Gold Coast, Queensland Australia
12/24/99
E-mail

"Adam Kenneth Lowe" by Tracey (6/11/99)/Tracey's story



~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Return to list of Poems and letters




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~











Return to "Anniversaries, Due Date Menu"

Share Logocopyright(c)SHARE Atlanta '97-'05

Graphics on this Site are Copyright