SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Grief Support

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Why Grieve...Because We Loved...Because We Dreamed
....We loved her from the moment we knew she was there...
The nursery was planned, soft blue walls with fluffy clouds painted on.
Daddy wanted stars on the ceiling that would glow at night
so that baby would feel safe.
Decorated with special things from people who loved her.
We both had such dreams for our baby...
...My Baby is gone...

Kelowna, BC Canada

Please Don't Tell Me You Never Got To Know Me...

It is I whose kicks you will always remember,
I who gave you heartburn that a dragon would envy,
I who couldn't seem to tell time and got your days and nights all mixed up,
It is I who acknowledged your craving for chocolate ice cream
by knocking the cold bowl off your belly,
I who went shopping and helped you pick out the "perfect" teddy bear for me,
I who liked to be cradled in your belly and rocked off to dreamy slumber by the fire,
It is I who never had a doubt about your love,
It is I who was able to put a lifetime of joy in an instant.

"I love you my sweet baby, Mommy"

Mechelle Richling
Caleb Gregory Richling
Millington, TN


Parents Do "Know" Their Baby...

Our society enables us to plan our baby's arrival because we are encouraged, in great anticipation, to prepare for our baby-to-be. Our bonding begins. Everyone quickly acknowledges this fact.

But when we lose this sweet baby, people can't understand why we grieve a baby that "we didn't even know." The poems on this page speak to this very issue - we did know this child.

Our dreams of our baby-to-be start in our own childhood

Our bodies, our hearts, and our minds(through "what will be" dreams, our own childhood memories, playing "mommy and daddy,") and watching those with children - all of these give us sneak previews of "what is to come."

Pregnancy "means" parenthood...

Many of us start preparing the nursey and our home soon after we learn that we are pregnant. Our friends (most of who are usually pregnant or have recent babies) are eager to support us, and we are in the "parent-to-be" club. Relatives are usually thrilled! Very few would consider you "not a parent until you have birthed the baby..." For most, pregnancy means parenthood.

When our baby dies, we quickly drop out of the "parent-to-be" club.

At this point, it is hard to know where to turn. This was the baby we wanted, and this is the baby we should have. Because we can imagine and see, we know this loss is the loss of a loved one. Therefore, we grieve. What we must remember is that no one else can measure or judge our pain and grief. We alone must accept where we are on our path and move at our own pace toward healing.

This is a collection of Archived E-Mails from '97 through '99. The e-mails may not be correct any longer, but these letters make it very clear "why we grieve our special babies."

Marcia McGinnis, May 3, 02

Marcia's Note: Unfortunately, many of these e-mails are from our early years and the addresses are probably not correct. Please feel free to try some of these. If people have sent me their updated email addresses I have included them. You may send any of your own thoughts to me and I will post them here - perhaps helping someone else some day..

Letters and Poems on this page

"My Beautiful Baby" by Debbie (2/98)

To the Child in my Heart" by Susan (11/97)

"Unnamed Angel..." by Lynette (2/98)

"My darling Eric..." by Krista (2/98)

"Spencer" by Kim (7/98)

"Angelica" by Jeanne (7/98)

"Grief Never Ends..." by Janet (9/5/98)

"Travis" by his mom (10/8/98)

"SHARING OUR ANGEL ZULEMA" by Marisela (3/17/99)

"My heart and soul Brock Skylar. Feb 5 1999" by Shari(2/24/99)

"Mikeala Isabelle" by Mandi (4/14/99)

"In Loving Memory of Andrew Ryan" by Cheryl (4/27/99)

"My Heart Child" by Donna (8/24/99)

"Remembering..." by Tisha (12/24/99)

My Beautiful Baby

My Baby is gone.
I could picture her when I closed my eyes;
blue eyes like her daddy's, curly auburn hair like grandma Greta, a smile like mine.
We loved her from the moment we knew she was there.
Her Daddy would talk to her as would I.
At night as I lay in bed I would sing lullabies to her
while rubbing my growing stomach.
My flat stomach, always envied by others before,
is now a horrible reminder my baby is gone.
We had such a short time together, but oh how she was loved.
The nursery was planned, soft blue walls with fluffy clouds painted on.
Daddy wanted stars on the ceiling that would glow at night
so that baby would feel safe.
Decorated with special things from people who loved her.
We both had such dreams for our baby, wondering how soon
she would begin ice skating or going for Sunday drives with Daddy in his old car.
How we looked forward to guiding and nurturing her through life.
Even looking forward to becoming grandparents.
Now I feel so empty inside, my heart aches as though it is truly broken.
No words, no hugs will ever void these feelings.
I want so bad to have my baby back.
I want to hold her, to meet her, but my baby is gone.
This is why I hurt so much.
She would have been loved more than any child.
All this I write from my heart.
My beautiful baby, you were loved so much in our short time together,
I miss you so much.

Love Mommy
*Please God, take care of my babies until we get to heaven.

(Becca was the third confirmed miscarriage for us)

Entry #2

Dear Marcia; Thank you for your response, I have found my dedication on the new page. It is so good to talk to people who understand how we feel. I was given the information on you page from my dear friend Karen Ritchey who lost her son Kyle. Karen and her family were wonderful on my road to recovery.

I lost my babies due to a congenital defect, I was born with a divisional septum in my uterus. It was a blessing to discover the "reason" for our losses, but as a mother I still feel I am to blame. The severity of the septum wasn't discovered until after Becca. Thanks to Dr. Glenn Benoit in Kelowna and Dr. Saunders in Vancouver I have had corrective surgery. Thank You again, it's so good to "talk" to you,

Kelowna, BC Canada

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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To the Child in my Heart
O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join out family

We never had the chance to play
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.

I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.

But now you're gone...but yet you're here.
We'll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll forget you never--
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.

You came and only stayed such a short time. I'll never know why it had to be this way. I wanted you so badly, and loved you more than I ever thought I could love.

You are my greatest achievment and my greatest grief. I don't know what happened. But I wish I could change back the hand of time to have you back inside me again. I miss you so much.

I want to hold you so badly once again in my arms. At 41 there be no others, so that I may pass on the legacy of your memory, but I promise you'll live on as long as I have a breath in me.

Family and friends forget so quickly. Just know I never will. I'll long for you the rest of my days.

Love always and forever mommy.
Daddy misses you to!

Ian Philip Procaccino
Second trimester loss
Orlando, Fl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Unnamed Angel...

I thought that you would wait for me
Until I was ready to give you up to life
that we'd share years together
more than just 11 weeks.

Time enough to feel you grow
to find a name
to give you birth
to touch your face
to hold you in my arms instead of just my heart.

Unnamed angel
Miscarriage - 9/16/97
Richmond, VA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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My darling Eric,
eyes of blue and hair of brown,
stay close to me and feel my love.
My child of absolute love,
know the pride I have for you.

I felt your kicks, hiccups, and moving about
for 9 blessed months,
then felt your essence leaving me.

How I wish I could turn back time
to hold you just once more,
kiss your forehead once again,
and tell you I love you endlessly.

You are but a heartbeat away,
and I yearn for our day together.

Mommy loves you soooooooo muuucchhhhh!!..:)

Eric Leslie Cox
Wadsworth, Ohio

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Our youngest,Tim, was just 7 months old when I suspected that I was pregnant again. On July 17,1997 I found out for sure. I had bought a test and it turned blue IMMEDIATELY. No questions there.

I wasn't going to tell my husband until we walked in the hospital to give birth! He had said that Tim was the last one, he had worn us both out. Tim had had HEART surgery when he was just 4 weeks old and that had been so stressful for us. We thought that we had been to hell and back when we went through that, little did we know.

A baby! I couldn't believe we were going to do it again and so soon. I was secretly excited. When my husband found out he was stunned. He was quiet for two days, but then he got adjusted to the idea and was pleased. It made a nice round number. 4 kids wow! The boys were so excited.

This one was a miracle baby...

We had had to take a fertility drug to get pregnant with all the others and he was our "natural" baby. God was in this somehow he wanted us to get pregnant, we figured for some reason. We didn't know what or why but we were glad.

I thought of all the great things this would mean. I loved the thought that Tim and the baby would only be 15 months apart. I knew it would be hard but I also new they would be best of buddies. When we found out that it was going to be our fourth boy I wasn't in the least disappointed. I had all the boy "things" down after all, I knew how to handle boys. We were thrilled.

As time passed I was getting tired. Timmy was very sick for a long time and didn't sleep very well. I was up all the time, I think I might have had two to three hours at a time of sleep. My husband tried to help but Timmy was a one woman kinda kid. He had finally around January began to sleep longer periods of time. Life was getting good.

Just a few more weeks and I get to start the sleepless nights again, but oh boy was it going to be worth it.

On Tuesday the 10th I had a doctor's appointment. They had started doing the stress test on the baby the week before and I was due for one that day but Tim was very ill, he had been running 105 degree temperature for several days and I couldn't stay for the know how doctor's are he was already an hour late and the test was going to take 30 minutes. The doctor said that it was no problem that I could come back later in the week and have the test done. The last one had looked good.

Tim's fever broke on Wednesday and he was feeling alot better. I had decided to go for the test on Friday. Life was getting back on track.

Then Thursday came. The worst day of my life. We had finally gotten some sleep, so the day was bright and cheerful.

I hadn't felt the baby move even though I kept trying all the things to try to get him to. I finally sat down around 11:00 am and tried really hard to get him to move. Nothing. He had felt so heavy all morning. I guess in my heart I knew he was gone but I didn't panic.

I called my husband at work and told him that the doctor said come in. He came right home to get me. The trip to the doctor's office seemed to take a lifetime, but we finally got there.

The nurse took us to the room and tried to get a heartbeat, but she said I want to hook you up to an ultrasound because I know this is scaring you.

They did and within minutes, hours days I don't know, the world had stopped, the doctor said those awful gut wrenching words. I don't see a heartbeat.

This couldn't be happening to us could it? We were blessed with this little fellow, he was our miracle baby! This couldn't be true.

But the doctor was in tears, the nurse was holding me. The loud keening noises, that I realized were coming from me, sounded in that little room.

But it had happened and nothing was going to change. My little one had left me. His spirit had gone and with it mine had gone too. I no longer wanted to live.

The hospital was close to the doctor's office. While I waited for my husband at the entrance to the hospital, a mom came out carrying a new baby. She was going home with a squirmy warm bundle to cuddle and love. My agony was extreme, when I left this hospital I would be leaving it alone. Empty arms. All alone.

It has been a little over 4 months since we lost Spencer, but that day is still so very clear to me.

I relive it in my dreams, and the sleepless nights that still haunt me. I grieve deeply, I am not always in the gut wrenching soul twisting grief that I was the in the first few weeks but it still can bring me to my knees with the pain of losing him

I still wake in the morning feeling like like these past months are unreal, but the empty bassinet shows me different. My precious one is in heaven and is being rocked and cared for by Sarah, my friends 17 year old daughter.

I miss him with all my heart, but that won't bring him home. I will shed my tears and hold on to the knowledge that I will hold him again one day. I love you, Spence, watch over your brothers for me.

"Spencer's Story" and "Through the love of friends..." for more of Kim's thoughts. Also, read Gifts - Naming Your Babies after 41 Years.

Spencer Calvert
Stillborn - 2/13/98
Duluth, Ga

Marcia's note: Kim speaks about how this baby influenced so much of her life - before Spencer was even born. I think most folks just don't think about this...especially if the baby lives.

Her very words validate why we grieve so...we knew and loved this baby very much even before birth. We grieve what we love and lose. That's why it is so important to give ourselves permission and time to grieve! This story shows how very close we are to our babies.

Entry on 3/24/98:

I just wanted to thank you so much. I attended the women's meeting for the first time this month. My loss was February 13th, at 8 and 1/2 months. The two hours went by so fast and I felt much better after I left. Thank you for being there for us, the bereaved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Jeanne sensed when Angelica died and had had feelings that her pregnancy may end empty handed. She knew Angelica's "routine..."


Angelica was due to be born on January 22, 1995.

Five days before she was to be born she died. I was lying in bed after having the almost perfect pregnancy, other that morning/noon/night sickness, I felt her sort of jump once. I knew right then that she was gone. I can't decribe how I knew I just did.

I told my husband the next morning only that she wouldn't move. My nine year old would wake Angelica up every morning before school. I only told her that she wouldn't wake up.

I had a doctor's appt that day. Upon entering his office I told him my baby was gone.

He didn't believe me. He put both stethoscopes on himself and me. He removed mine right away. He then did a sonogram and found no heartbeat and sent me to the hospital for a more thorough sonogram, where the results were the same. This was Thursday, I was sent home and told to go to the hospital on Sunday to be induced.

It was the longest time of my life. I hated my body and myself. He had given my valium, but I had other children to deal with. They were older 10, 18, 20, but the were still my children.

After a long hard, more emotional that physical labor, I had a perfect baby girl 8lb2oz. The doctor found a true knot in the cord.

After she was born, my husband and my mother along with myself spent time holding our precious baby girl. It was the worst time of my life.

To this day, not a day goes by that I don't think of her and mourn her loss. Since that time we have had another beautiful daughter, 19 months after Angelica, her name is Faith. The pregnancy was rough emotionally I had a hard time forming a bond with the baby growing inside, afraid to lose again.

Throughout my pregnancy with Angelica, I had premonitions of coming home empty handed. I thought it was my age. I was 39. Did anyone else have these thoughts?

I guess God was trying to prepare me.

The name Angelica was actually thought of in my sixth month. We were watching Rugrats and my husband said I like that name. My response was I always wanted a daugther that I could call Angel. I would love to hear from other people who have had this happen.

I feel the need to talk about it and most people don't want to. They treat it as if it were a miscarriage. They can't understand that she was a very big part of our lives and always will be.

Stillborn/cord- knot
New Hempstead, NY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Grief never ends

I have thought alot about our Sean lately. Maybe because his brother, Brenden, is growing so fast and I wonder what Sean would have become.

It's not the same wondering or longing it was three years ago. So much has changed since then. I function normally, smile, laugh, hope, dream, all the things I lost when I lost Sean. I can even look at pregnant women and not have terrible feelings of envy or hatred.

In talking with some internet friends who have endured recent losses I began to reflect on the journey of grief.

I know that there are stages of grief through which we all pass. Sometimes we even repeat some of the phases of grief. But I've come to realize that grief never really completely ends. It is taken on as a part of who we are. When a loved one first dies we are overwhelmed with emptiness. Grief leaves us feeling weak. But as time passes the strength returns. I have regained my strength, but it is forever changed.

When I look at children or babies I don't just think of all the happy times with Brenden. I am reminded of our Sean.

Our grief is what keeps us connected to him. Because we miss him and long to have him as a living part of our family, the grief remains. It does not take on the same outward appearance as those who suffer new losses, but it remains the same inside, devestating.

When people talk to me about their families I hesitate to say "we have a two year old at home and a three year old in heaven" even though I feel it's what I should say.

Society puts such a stigma on death and grieving. You're not supposed to talk about it, particularly if the loss is a child. You are expected to pretend it does not exist when in public and keep grief for private times. But when we have healthy children the world welcomes them with open arms and celebrates their life and existence.

If we are to dream of a life filled with blessing and wonderful memories before a baby is born, shouldn't it take a life time to grieve the same loss? So, I embrace the grief in my life. It is the link to my son. I will not let it go because when I let it go it means that I give up Sean as well. I will miss him every day of my life, therefore I will grieve him equally as long.

Visit Others' Supportive Influence, Second Anniversary, Third Anniversary, Sibling Grief, Coping Ideas, In Loving Memory of Sean Wesley Kelly ~ 7/26/95 on 11/5/01 for other thoughts that Janet has shared with SHARE Atlanta through the last six years.

For a very special poem... ""I would like to take this opprotunity to say how much I miss you Sean..." By "Aunt" Lisa (5/98)

Sean Wesley Kelly
Died soon after birth/HLHS
Miami, Fl
E-mail 9/5/98

Marcia's thoughts: Janet is reflecting the continuing presence that Sean has in her life.

She has moved through much of her grief around her baby and is speaking honestly about the presence that he holds in her life. Many folks are afraid to state these feelings for fear others will think that they are "still hanging on to their pain."

She obviously has found a different path and has continued to become the person she gradually is to be. Hope has returned, and in a way, grief work has been completed. She doesn't get the anguish or intense pain she use to...memories can be bittersweet.

What will always be with us is the memories, a level of sadness, and, if the work has been done well, the constant knowledge that our loss will always be a part of who we are and what we do...our baby(s) have made a very big difference in our lives. Mary Joe Hannaford, in her course, "Window", helped me understand this concept...thank you Mary Joe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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We waited, we hoped, and finally we cried,
With happiness and joy, a final sigh
We were pregnant, expecting such joy
With a new little girl or perhaps a boy!

A new brother or sister for Kyle
But boy he thought it was taking awhile,
Changing Teddy's diapers, bottles out again,
Anxiously awaiting the arrival of his new friend.

Mommy and Daddy could hardly wait
For that much longed for February date
When our family would be a family of four
Seeing you our hearts would soar.

We waited, we hoped and finally we cried,
On November 11th we were told you had died
You can't imagine the pain and despair we all felt
I can't believe this hand that fate has dealt.

It's just not fair! You never had a chance
To play and laugh, to sing or dance
I never got to nurse you or sing you a song
It is with us that you belong.

My little angel this is for you
I wish there were more that I could do
I feel empty, helpless, so betrayed,
How I wish you could have stayed.

But now we have to say good-bye
Doing so we will cry
For what we thought was meant to be.....
Daddy, Kyle, you and me.

Travis Raymond
Second trimester loss
Ottawa, Ont

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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My heart and soul Brock Skylar. Feb 5 1999

Oh why did it have to be,
I so much wanted to hold you close to me.
We tried for you for two years,
And when we found out I was pregnant with you,
oh how we cheered.

I cried when the Doctor told me that I was 8 1/2 week s along,
And all I could hear was the "Rock a by baby" song.
You gave me so much hope in this life that I live,
Because now I could show all the love I had to give.
When you left my body it took my soul,
Now when I think of you, there is a big hole.
I'll never know the color of your eyes or your hair,
I can't even imagine your little face, these times I can't bear.

I cry for you each day deep inside,
But don't you ever forget you're never out of my mind.
I pray for you each morning when I see the sun rise,
Because I know that my baby is up in the heavenly sky.
Mommy and Daddy love you,and when we see you we'll hold you tight,
But until then my baby God bless you and good night.

We love and miss you Brock Skylar Moss

Love Mommy(Shari)& Daddy(Ron)Moss

Brock Skylar Moss
Feb 5,99
Lenoir, NC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I was seven months pregnant with my second baby girl, we were very excited we had every thing ready for her. Her bassinet was open, her clothes were in the closet and her diper bag was packed. I remember going back to see her things at least once a day, every day.

I would wonder how she would look like.

We had so many dreams for our daughters, they would be 19 months apart. Allondra, our first born couldn't really understand why my tummy kept growing so fast. I would place her hand on my stomach and tell her that there was a baby inside and she would laugh and say that she had a baby on her tummy, too. I'm sure that my baby, Zulemita, knew that she was very much loved, because every time I would talk to her she would move.

My pregnancy had some complications, but over all was a very healthy one. A day before she died I went for doctor appointment and we heard her heart, it was as heathy as she could be.

The next day at 8:45 in the morning we had a horrible car accident. In that accident we lost Zulemita instantly. We also lost our future as proud parents of two beautiful girls, and part of our hearts, because we would always be longing for our baby Zulema.

We can have more babies, but we would always be missing one. She can't be replaced.

We have the hope that one day when we finally die, we will be reunited with her in heaven where she is right now.

We love you, Zulemita,
your mommy, daddy
and your big sister, Allondra

Angel Zulema
Other/Auto Accident
Toppenish, WA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Mikeala Isabelle

Last March 98 I found out I was pregnant after delivering a baby girl on 28 Jan 98. I was only 21 weeks pregnant. The cause was an allergic reaction to the cord they used to sew my cervix closed. Then in the same note I ended up having a placental abruption and went into labor and had my daughter Mikeala Isabelle. She lived for 15 min.

I was just horrified about having another. On April 11 1998 I found out I was pregnant again. My due date was 25 Dec 98.

My pregnancy started out slow, I went to the best doctors and at first they said it was hormones left from my daughter. Then the ultrasound showed I was pregnant.

At 14 weeks the doctors thought that the bottom half of the baby's brain was missing and ran futher tests. I found out later it was a reflection of of the renal system. My pregnancy went on. I was placed on bedrest and I had ultrasounds to check my cervix since I declined the surgery ( cerclauge).

My pregnancy went on to end in a beautiful Baby BOY born on Christmas Day!!! Healthy. My cevix was fine and he is fine. The good lord made him special enough to share his birthday with his son.

Now I have time to grieve about my daughter. I miss the fact I can't braid her hair, or teach her how to cook. I had the pleasure of knowing her, holding her and being able to let her know when she died that mommie loved / loves her very much.

My 3 yr old askes where she is, I have to say with Jesus. I know that my little guy will know of her too. I still cry, especially when I hold my baby and see just a little bit of her in him.

Please let everyone who has children to love them like there is no tomorrow, because you just don't know. There may not be!

God Bless to all. And Good Luck

Wichita Falls, TX

Marcia's Thoughts:...You, indeed, deserve time, now, to grieve your special baby and all you loss with her passing. Please be gentle with yourself as you continue on your path of healing.

I included your story under Sharing Stories, "Why Grieve" and under "Future Pregnancy Issues/Supportive Notes." I feel your story will help others to know that grieving can be moved through as we need to...there is no "set pattern." I also believe your story can give other parents hope as they move through subsequent pregnancy issues. I thank you for sharing.

Give you little ones a hug for me. My sons know of their siblings in heaven...and I feel that all of my children have helped to make our wonderful family what it is today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In Loving Memory of Andrew Ryan

Month One you were this tiny thing
Too small for us to see.

Month Two you grew a little bit
Becoming a bigger part of me.

Month Three by belly started to swell;
I heard your heartbeat-strong and clear as a bell.

Month Four came and all was going nicely,
You were punching and kicking-being very feisty.

Month Five-What a month!
I saw you on an ultrasound-so big and strong.
No clue did I have that anything could go wrong.

Month six was great-I ate and ate and ate!
My body was out of control.
I talked to you-you kicked me.
I was happy as one could be.

Month Seven was terrible-my world came crashing down.
No heartbeat could be found-the monitor didn't make a sound.
To the hospital I went, to deliver my baby boy.
But this trip would bring me no joy.

At 3;20 in the morning on the 14th of January,
After a long day and night, feeling very low,
I held you Andrew, a little Angel I never got to know.

God had chosen you from up above,
To take you to him, a child he so loves.

I know you're up there, waiting for me
For us to come together, as one day we will be.

I wrote this poem for my little Angel, Andrew, 3 months after I lost him.

He was born stillborn due to a cord accident, his cord was wound several times and almost completely severed in one area. No explantion could be given.

My husband an I are now trying to have another baby, a brother or sister to Andrew. Not one minute of one day goes by that I do not think of Andrew.

I am currently putting together a scrapbook for my son of poems, sayings, his footprints, hospital band etc. so that no one will ever forget that he is my first born child and will always be loved forever.

I must thank Share Atlanta for this wonderful website. I have spent hours reading everyone's stories, and responded to a few of them. I feel very lucky to have found this because it has helped me keep my sanity quite a few times. Thank You, Cheryl

Andrew Ryan
Sylvania, OH

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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My Heart Child

In my heart you existed before you were conceived.
Patiently I waited for you, wanting and loving you,
until the day I learned you were inside of me.
Already you had been there for a time,
and my heart was full and happy when you finally
let me know you were with me.

As you grew beneath my heart, my joy increased.
The beating of my heart provided life for you,
and the first time I heard your heart beat,
I realized how truly miraculous you were.
You were a precious gift given to me that
I would cherish within my heart always.

Then there came the news that I thought
would make my heart stop.
You were not able to keep your heart
within your body.
The beautiful sound of your heart beating
was perfect in every other way,
but it was not where you needed it the most.
It was as if you were trying to give us your self,
the innermost part of you, your very soul.

Patiently I awaited your birth, my heart aching for you.
When the day arrived, my heart was full at the chance
to meet you face to face, but continued to ache with
the knowledge you wouldn't be with us long.
But you stayed, so much longer than expected, your
heart beating so strongly right after your birth.

But then, all too soon, those heart beats slowed.
And after I told you it was okay, you had worked
so hard already, your precious heart stopped.
And my heart broke as you died in my arms,
and my soul feels as if it died with you.

And now, my heart is empty,
because part of me did die with you.
But you will remain in my heart forever.
You are My Heart Child.

Donna Gayle Heaverin
In memory of my daughter, Madison Adair.
7/5/99 - 7/6/99
Written July 26, 1999

Madison Adair Heaverin
Died soon after birth

Marcia's thoughts: Your words describe so lovingly how we know our baby long before birth and how we our touched by their existence from even before conception. I say this over and over to my parents and to those who we do inservices for...this is why we grieve so deeply a loss others most often want to deny us. I know your words will help others, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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For Chandler Darius Dillon, Born Sleeping, September 1st, 1999

6lbs. 2oz. 19 1/4 inches long.

I carried Chandler for 38wks with no complications, and even now we still have no answers. Only some pictures of him and some footprints of some very beautiful tiny feet.

He's our somebody special, born for a special reason, we dare not ask why. We just except his short time with us, and will love him always.

For others... I'd like to share this poem......


Near a shady wall a rose once grew,
Budded and blossomed in God'd free light,
Watered and fed by morning dew,
Shedding it's sweetness day and night.

As it grew and blossomed fair and tall,
Slowly rising to a lofter height,
It came to a crevice in the wall,
Through which there shone a beam of light.

Onward it crept with added streangth,
With never a thought of fear or pride,
It fallowed the light through the crevice length,
And unfolded itself on the other side.

The light the dew, the broadening veiw,
Were found the same as they were before.
And it lost itself in beauties new,
Breaching it's fragrance more and more.

Shall calm of death cause us to greive,
And make our courage faint and fall?
Nay! Let us faith and hope receive,
The rose still grows beyond the wall.

Scattering beauty far and wide,
Just as it did in days of yore,
Just as it did on the other side,
Just as it will forever more.

Our "Roses" still grow beyond the The Wall.

Your are forever in our hearts,
our precious son,
we will love you always..
Love Your Mommy, Tisha

Chandler Darius Dillon
Naval Base Rota, Spain

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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