Mementos ease the pain...
I have been to a counselor and he has helped me to understand that what I feel is normal -- which I have had affirmed on this website. I have taken some ideas and thoughts as to how I can work through this holiday season. My husband and I are going to find an angel ornament to hang on our tree every year to represent our baby that is now an angel in heaven. Thank you for providing such appropriate information. I'm sure I will check in on this site again. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts.
For Marilyn's story ~"...searching to understand how to deal with my loss..." by Marilyn (12/97)
"The Little Angels" - A Special Plot in Dublin, Ireland
Nora is buried in Dublins largest - and most famous people are buried there. There is a special plot called "The Little Angels". There are hundreds of headstones, all in white. There are 12 babies to each grave, which are mainly twins and triplets. The maternity hospital organises this automatically, and you are then billed for the funeral and grave. I just break down when I go there. The graves are full of teddies, birthday cards and all kinds of momentos.
It costs around £70, around $100 for the grave, and for the arrangements. It then costs £35 for the name to be put on the headstone. I have a slight regret, as the hospital gives you many choices, but it is the morning after loosing the baby, and your mind isn't fully with you. I choose to have a hospital rep bring the coffin to the grave, she was blessed before leaving the hospital. You can hold a mass in the hospital chapel, with the coffin open, and with family members there - this I couldn't cope with, and to also bring your own coffin to the grave yard, this I also couldn't take.
I will always remember that morning. A man from the hospital, came over and asked if I was the mother of "Baby Byrne" - I broke down, and I thank god, I didn't see the coffin, I turned away to cry and actually missed the sight of the coffin - Tom saw this and I think the memory will stay with him. It was a white coffin, with a brass name plate on it. There was a set of twins buried that morning as well, Jack and Jake, so we joked she is in a grave with all boys!
The only thing is there is alot of grave robbing - the day Nora was buried I placed some special teddies there - the following day they were gone, along with nearly every teddy - some heartless person had stolen all of them. I can't understand the people who grave rob, I once thought may you loose you children the way I did, but then realised I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. The only way to stop people stealing them is to put her name on everything. I want to go there this Sunday, as I have bought 2 angels, pottery, that sit and a lovely teddy.
A Comment from Marcia: One of my dads, who was from Mexico, in my group told me that in Mexico(at least where he lived), they think about grave robbers as the children or dead loved ones coming to "pick up" the things left for them. That made it a little easier for those in the group that have to deal with grave robbers. It is so hard for me to understand how someone could take these precious gifts - but we have robbers in every country and, unless, the cemetery is closed off - this can happen.
Most of you know the rest - we went directly to the hospital & on January 30, 1998 delivered our beautiful little angel, Katy Lauren Smith. We had a beautiful funeral service that was extremely comforting and played the song by Jane Siberry: "Calling All Angels" I hope you might purchase her tape, When I Was A Boy, and find comfort & beauty in this song.
"Calling All Angels" by Clare & Lewis (4/98)
We buried our son on March 26, 1996. That had to be one of the coldest days that year. We buried him next to a mountain.
It took us a while but on Thursday, May 7, 1998, his headstone was put on. It took us awhile to save it up. But we did it. Now the world knows all about Dominick Joseph Francis.
"Dominick's Story" by Jo Lynn (5/98)
Our little angel is buried in a beautiful place next to a lake. I take my 3 yr old to see his brother sometimes, and he loves to take Kevin his stuffed animals "so he won't be lonely." He knows that Kevin will always be in our hearts. Thats not such a bad place to be.
"KEVIN'S JOURNEY" by Celeste (4/98)
The end of our ten hours came and life support was turned off... she died peacefully in my arms, and that I am thankful for. She was cremated. We got her a beautiful garden all of her own at a crematorium which we fill with plants and little figurines and all sorts of things. This is my place to go to show her my love....
I love and miss her terribly and think of her everyday.... But I am so very thankful that I got to meet her. I have this feeling of overwhelming love for her...that I would never have wanted to miss...
"Illahna Kathleen" by Nicole (9/30/98)
We buried him on the 18/3/99, it was at funeral realisation for myself and my partner that instead of being at home changing dirty nappies and sleepless nights our little man was eternally resting and we were never going to see him with all of his "firsts".
We have collected alot of momentos from not only the hospital but from the funeral, we not only celebrated the loss of our first born baby boy, but we celebrated his birthday. We combined the two to make the day memorable and taped everything so we could savour every minute we had with Thomas.Thomas
Marcia's thoughts: I have seen other parents tape their moments with their baby and know how much this can mean to parents...at the time and forever after. Though many feel uncomfortable to do so. I hope that your note will give others support in the future. Thank you for sharing your time with your son...with us. I will probably add your thoughts to my section on "Funeral and Memorial Support."
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