SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Grief Support

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"Sharing" Our Stories/Thoughts
- Along this Path

Miscarriage & The Stages of Grief - or Our Emotions...
Entries -97-2000

I feel so alone and lost.
I'm sad and angry
and so many other things
that I don't know what to do.
Please help.
Lubbock, TX

These e-mails valid the all the emotions we feel after the loss of our baby. Please read "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal" - Emotions.

Theses are "archived e-mails" but they share the emotions and reactions so very well. They might help you to realize that the feelings you are experiencing are normal and the result of the losses in your life.

Healing happens as we recognize the pain and emotions, cope (see Coping Ideas), and give ourselves "permission to grieve to heal." Marcia McGinnis, 5/02

Marcia's Note: Unfortunately, many of these e-mails are from our early years and the addresses are probably not correct. Please feel free to try some of these. If people have sent me their updated email addresses I have included them. You may send any of your own thoughts to me and I will post them here - perhaps helping someone else some day..

"...searching to understand how to deal with my loss..." by Marilyn (12/97)

"...I feel so alone" by Krissy ('97)

"Don't Take Her" by Teresa (7/98)

"...concerns about getting "over a miscarriage" and thinking about getting pregnant again. by Debbie (10/16/98)

"...there was a life created and maybe it hadn't gone through all the stages yet, but it was a life." by Rita (11/11/98)

"Baby Rafaeli" by Cristin (12/30/98)

"In Memory of Baby Ockerbloom" by Amber (1/11/99)


"My rational mind knows it wasn't my fault and that next time may not be the same, but how does my rational mind touch the emotional side of me?" by Lily (1/25/99)

"Peanut" by Carleen (1/27/99)

"Forever In My Heart" Alayna (3/17/99)

"HAPPY AGAIN" by Laura (4/27/99)

"This has been the most difficult experience I have ever gone through. I find it hard to put out of my mind." by Marci (4/29/99)

"A tribute to my angels" by Julie

"In memory of my angel August 16, 1999" by Donna (8/23/99)

" A WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE!!!!" by Kaslindia (11/6/99)

"My lost Angel" by Dianne (1/20/00)

"CAN'T LET GO" by Dana (4/6/00)

The "stages" of grief or our emotions are described
in the SHARE Atlanta Workshop -
"Why are my emotions so intense?"


Guilt and blame are a common reaction to losing our baby. A mother feels as though she should be able to protect her child, at all times. Each of us does the best we can, but, in a situation such as this, we are forced to realize that we are not in control of everything.

It is a helpless feeling and one that only heals as time passes. What we can do is to remember that our love for our little one will never leave us, and that we can hold this time in our hearts with mementos. (Marcia)

I don't know where to begin, but I am searching to understand how to deal with my loss and grief. It has been a little over two weeks since I miscarried.

I was at 12 1/2 weeks "by dates" and unfortunately the baby had stopped growing and living at 8 1/2 - 9 weeks. I had a missed miscarriage -- no cramping or pain, I had brown spotting for a week that turned red and led to an ultrasound. I opted for a D&E the morning after we found out.

I struggle with why I didn't know that my baby had died -- I have spoken with the doctor and gotten the physical answers but still wonder why my instincts didn't tell me something wasn't right.

I have been to a counselor and he has helped me to understand that what I feel is normal -- which I have had affirmed on this website.

I have taken some ideas and thoughts as to how I can work through this holiday season. My husband and I are going to find an angel ornament to hang on our tree every year to represent our baby that is now an angel in heaven.

Thank you for providing such appropriate information. I'm sure I will check in on this site again. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts.

Mount Joy, PA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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"I feel so alone..." Miscarriage - every life is special - there is real pain and confusion around a miscarriage.

My husband and I found out that I was pregnant on Sept. 18th this year. I was very excited and worried about money and the other stresses that come with a new baby, but mostly I was overjoyed.

We already have a 5 year old daughter, and I felt I was really ready for another baby. My husband was not so ready, but agreed that we would get ready.

We waited to tell people until I was about 10 weeks along. At that point we told friends, family, and our daughter.

I went to the doctor who hadn't wanted to examine me until I was 10-12 weeks along. At the first visit he could not hear a heartbeat. One week later he still could not hear it and did an ultrasound, where he discovered that the fetus was developed to 9 weeks and now had no heartbeat.

I am shocked, devastated and full of guilt. During those 13 weeks I had experienced so many ups and downs about having this baby when we didn't think we were prepared. Now I hear those things we said about not planning and not being ready, and sometimes thinking in the back of my mind that we shouldn't be having this baby. I feel so guilty about thinking those things that I don't know how to live with myself.

I feel so stupid for going out and buying maternity clothes and telling people I was pregnant when the baby inside was already dead. I don't understand why I didn't just miscarry. Why did the baby stay inside and why did it die in the first place.

I feel so alone and lost. I'm sad and angry and so many other things that I don't know what to do. Please help.

Lubbock, TX

Marcia's comments

Dear Krissy, I will try to help - reading more of our website, looking at other websites such as ours, possibily going to a support group there in Lubbock and talking to your doctor will help, too.

Another factor in coping with what has happened to you is to realize that all of your confusion, guilt, anger and sadness is part of the grieving process - a process that will take time to move through. You are NOT alone, I have experienced such a loss and everyone at SHARE has also. We all survived - it took time and forgiveness(we must forgive ourselves - we did what we did throughout our pregnancy , and we did the best we could do at the time...).

Many parents fear that a new baby will be a burden at first.

That is normal - we ALL know that a baby means care, attention, funds, etc. We would not be human if we didn't think about these things. You had started to deal with the reality of a baby when you and your husband agreed to work with it and you bought maternity clothes. The ups and downs you speak of are normal as our hormones are churning and are lives are changing. We had planned our next baby and when I got pregnant my first thought was "what have we done!"

Why did you move ahead? Why did your baby die?

You moved ahead because you care and did what most of us do - you shared your happiness with others who cared. Society(friends and family) are generally eager to learn about a new baby, so we, usually, are anxious to "share the news". That's normal!

You might never know why your baby died. There may not be an answer. We at SHARE feel that your baby is very much part of you and even though he/she died doesn't make any of this experience less important in your life. Consider reading "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal" - "The significance of You and Your Baby".

Our society generally does not like to deal with miscarried babies. So, parents sometimes feel strange about the entire experience. We share our stories and remember that each life, no matter how short, is special. We do special things in memory of our baby and we begin to heal. Under "Coping Ideas," this is explored in more detail. Most of us, go on, later, to have a living child, but we never forget these little ones. There are many books on this subject "Books and Other Resources".

Guilt is our human way to try to figure out what happened so we can "fix it".

The problem with the loss of a baby during pregnancy, there is no fix. Those in our group who lost a planned for baby go through the same kinds of questions that you are asking. These are questions coming from the confusion and pain of grief.

As time goes by and you learn more about grief and emotions, you can begin to see how all of this works. Please read "What is Grief" and "Why are my emotions so strong?" under "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal." All of these I wrote after experiencing my own losses, leading 13 years of SHARE groups, and taking & leading a grief program called "Windows".

So, you can begin to realize that though your experience and pain are unique to you, the process of grief is common to us all. It helps to learn we are normal in our pain.

Please be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to grieve and to learn to understand and cope with what has happened to you. Write again if you want - I welcome your questions or just sharing of your thoughts...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Here's another poem that I wrote..

Hello again.. I was just sitting here and started writing out my feelings and again. It turned into a poem. I thought that I would share it with you since I know that you can understand it's meaning.

Although it's not really a "well written" poem, it's what came out.

Take care!! Thanks for being there for everyone with your memorials and help pages.. It means so much to so many.. Teresa (Heather's Mommy)

Don't Take Her

Oh please don't take her, I need her to see
That even in heaven, she's still here with me

Oh please don't take her, I want her to know
That I truely love her, and I need her so.

Oh please don't take her, I want to believe
That she's still living, inside of me.

Oh please don't take her, I need her to stay
I can't bare the thought, of her going away.

Oh please don't take her, I just know I'll see
Her heart will be beating, very soon, rapidly.

Oh please don't take her, I can't bare the pain
How will she know, from who's Mommy she came?

Oh please don't take her, we've never got the chance
To kiss her or hug her, or feel her tiny hands

Oh please don't take her, she didn't get to know
Her Mommy or Daddy, oh don't make her go

Oh please don't take her, I'm begging you Please!!
I'm Sobbing and crying, I'm down on my knees!

Oh please don't take her, Oh Lord can't you see?
If you take her now, you are killing me.

Teresa C.
July 1st, 1998

To See My Baby Play" by Teresa (6/98)

Marcia's comment: In Teresa's words, she has focused on a mother's pain and disbelief that she could lose her baby. Every emotion possible is running through her soul.

Of course no mother wants to let her baby go...and how beautifully Teresa has written this intense reaction and feeling. I am touched that Teresa has written what so many moms feel as they experience this loss. I think it is a beautifully written poem and one that comes straight from her heart and will touch many other mother's hearts...

Visit "Dads and Moms Support One Another" to read how this poem helped one of our SHARE internet couples... "MARRIAGE SAVED BY A POEM - THANKS TERESA C." by Gillian 9/12/99

Visit Teresa's site for Heather "My Angel"

Jacksonville, FL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I recently got married on April 18, 1998 and found out that I was pregnant on April 24, 1998. We were shocked but totally happy at the same time. I miscarried on May 5, 1998 and I am having a hard time dealing with it.

Just this week, my husband talked to me about trying again, and I am so scared. I can not explain it. I have never been through anything like this before.

I do have an 8 year old daughter which I am thankful for everyday, but I want another child so bad, and I don't know what to do.

Everyday there is another emotion that I am feeling. It was a hard miscarriage too because I had retained tissue, and I had problems for about 2 months. I still don't feel quite right, but am getting no where with the DOC. Any suggestions?

Marcia's Thoughts: Your concerns seem valid to me. It takes time to move through all the mixed feelings and reactions that happen after a miscarriage.

Often the 5th to 7th month are most difficult - as you begin to think about getting pregnant again you become painfully aware of all that you have been through. If you had physical problems for a while afterwards, that just adds some more time to grieve on ...which means waiting a little longer.

Grief does end...and with the right support most everyone can move on to their next choice. You do have to think through what this means to you...

Several thoughts that come to mind:

Go and talk to your doctor and tell him how you feel. Ask what he might do during your next pregnancy to ease your tension some(test progestrogen levels, HCL levels, etc/look at our Medical page under Miscarriages and read things that can be done to help you..). Find a doctor that will support you with your concerns. They are out there.

Often after one miscarriage, doctors will not do very much to test, etc., but, perhaps you can find a supportive doctor. If you need to - change doctors! Doctors are human and some meet different needs at different times. One thing my losses have taught me is to seek out the support I need to do what I feel is right for me and my family. No one is perfect and knows everything!

You have had a lot happen to you(good and sad) in a short time...a few more months may be just what you need to regain your confidence. Ask you husband to be patient and help him try to understand you concerns. They do sound normal...

You may want to consider doing something in memory of the child you lost. You are grieving this baby and that is normal, also. Look at our "Coping Ideas" and see if you might think of something special to do for yourself and you baby. You may want to put a dedication to your child on our Memorial Garden page. I know this seems strange for some people after a miscarriage, but this was a child you were excited about and looking forward to...often healing begins as we recognize how special these babies are.

Gap, Pennsylvania

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I just miscarried my first baby last Friday.. I was 6 weeks going on 7 LMP. Some people say that it wasn't a baby yet, but to us, it was our baby from the first moment we found out I was pregnant, which was the beginning of last week.

We had told only a couple of people because we were waiting til this weekend when our family was together to share the news. Instead, I had to share the miscarriage news this past weekend.

After my miscarriage, one of the first things that I was told, by one of my best friends that I had told I was pregnant, was that at least I knew I could get pregnant. She did tell me she was sorry and all the other stuff, but it really cut to the core that it was put that way to me.

Yeah, sure I know I can get pregnant, but that doesn't mean that I can have a baby. I know that it's common and the odds seem to be in my favor to have another, but that's not the point. Of course, the next person I told said the same exact thing. They are two women who have children and have never gone through this experience.

It might be hard for some people to understand why you weep and get depressed over something that wasn't considered a baby yet in medical terms, but there was a life created and maybe it hadn't gone through all the stages yet, but it was a life.

I don't want to wish this on anyone and I realize that they don't know exactly what to say, but don't tell me that at least I know I can get pregnant. It makes me so mad that I want to scream and hit something.

My husband has been really supportive. I blame myself and he's told me that I'm not to blame because God has a bigger and better plan for us.

I will tell you this much, it has been my faith in God that has carried me this far in dealing with our loss.

We have discussed kids and I had come off birth control so we just put it in God's hand as to when and if we had children. I believe that because of our love for kids that we will have kids in the future, but for now, we were meant to have this time alone together.

Thank you so much for the ability to share my experience. Just typing it all out has released a small burden.

One last thing, my mom has been sick off and on for many years and has surrounded a lot of her bedroom with angels. Now, our sweet little angel has joined in watching over her for me. God Bless.11/98

Athens, GA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Baby Rafaeli

You were all I ever wanted. To hold you in my arms, to nurse you at my breast. After so many years I thought you never to be and then you came along. It was a time of feeling the sweetest part of heaven. You are gone, but I just wanted to say that you are still all I ever wanted. I have always believed that to have loved and to have lost is better than to have never loved at all. I love you.


Baby Rafaeli
Columbus, OH


Marcia's thoughts: I felt as though you shared so clearly how much we love our baby...from before we conceived and from the time we know that we are pregnant.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In Memory of Baby Ockerbloom

For those few weeks...
You were mine and mine alone,
No one else knew you like I did,
You gave me your whole life,
It would be unfair to you to want more.

Our baby developed to 11 1/2 weeks and his heart stopped. Silence... I don't know how I could have loved him more.

Their is nothing more agonizing than a life unfinished. My beloved grandfather's heart stopped January 5, 1999. There is no one I would rather see and be with our baby more than my A.T.

Baby Ockerbloom
Lived March, April, May 1998
Due Date December 11, 1998
Loved by Mommy, Daddy, Bethany, Savannah, and grandparents, aunties,
uncles, cousins, and friends.

Baby Ockerbloom
June 5, 1998
Charlotte, NC

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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"My rational mind knows it wasn't my fault and that next time may not be the same, but how does my rational mind touch the emotional side of me?"

Hello, my name is Lily. Two years ago, while at work my period was late. Or was it. As I drove home from work through rush hour the cramps got worse until it was all I could do to control the car. I didn't know I was pregnant. I was fine until I got home and saw my boyfriend (whose now my husband) and then I fell apart.

It's two years later and I've always felt there was something missing in my life. That's why when I discovered I was pregnant I was elated.

I couldn't wait to tell everyone. It was odd though, when I went to the doctor the sonogram showed I was only five weeks pregnant. The math didn't seem right but what did I know.

Another sonogram a week later and once again only five weeks but "everything looks o.k". O.k. that is until two days later when the bleeding and cramps started again.

I've had three days to ponder what I could have done wrong--twice. Am I defective?

Would trying again be tantamount to killing another baby? Why isn't my husband also crying constantly. My rational mind knows it wasn't my fault and that next time may not be the same, but how does my rational mind touch the emotional side of me?

Alameda, CA

Marcia's thoughts: Your confusion and concerns are are your husband's reactions. If you haven't, please read my workshops on "The First 24 Hours and Later," "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal," information on the "Father's Grief Menu" for a better understanding of "where you are going" with your normal reactions and feelings.

The articles under the Subsequent Pregnancy Menu might help with some of the confusion also. As to repeated miscarriages, refer to our Medical Resources/Repeated Miscarriages...there are links to medical sites that might give you a starting place to ask your doctor some questions. It helps to understand what might be happening..both emotionally and physically.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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We had been married for over 3 years when we decided to start trying to get pregnant. It took almost one year to conceive. I never had a regular cycle so we ended up taking fertility drug. I even had problems with that, one month I would ovulate and the next I would not.

Finally, on 9/28/98 we found out that we were finally going to have a baby. We were so excited, we couldn't wait to tell everyone that we knew. We were sure that it was a boy, and nicknamed him Peanut.

Everything went fine, I was tired but no morning sickness. I noticed a discharge with a very minor amount of blood. I knew this was not uncommon and forgot about it.

Two weeks later I felt a fluttering. I knew that it was too soon to feel the baby move, as I was only at 10 weeks. The doctor wanted to do an ultrasound, I was sure that everything was going to be fine.

I could see Peanut on the screen very clearly. The doctor asked how many babies do you have. I thought that he was saying there were multiples. My husband is an identical twin and with the drugs we knew that there was an increased chance of multiples.

The nurse then asked if I had any other children. I said no and the doctor told me that this was bad, there was no heart beat and the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I was going to miscarry. I was in shock.

The fluttering I felt was my body getting ready to discharge it. The next day, they completed a D&C. I know that some people opt to have it happen naturally, but I did not want to have something inside of me that was dead. The procedure was very cleansing mentally.

I did ok for the first 2 months. My Husband was wonderful and supportive.

We are now trying again. At first, I was excited and confident. I knew that we would be pregnant much sooner this time. But now I'm not so sure. It is so much harder this time. I am losing hope. I am so sad. I love to be around babies, but try to avoid pregnant women, which is not easy, they seem to be everywhere.

I did not expect to keep hurting this badly for so long.
I love you, Peanut.

Columbia, MD

Marcia's thoughts: Your feelings and emotions around your experience are very normal and I think it helps for us to realize this as we MOVE THROUGH grief!

We are encouraged to believe that grief has a certain time time frame and that we are "over" grieving much faster than we are. You probably are just fully realizing all your feelings around your loss. Then adding the conflicting feelings about getting pregnant again gives your heart more to worry about.

You might benefit from waiting just a little longer to try again. You might find, with your situation, that in just a month or two your feelings will settle down. You are very normal about wanting to have another baby (see our workshop on Future Pregnany and Grief under the Subsequent Pregnancy Menu). By giving yourself just a little space to work through some of your grief, your feelings might shift some.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Forever In My Heart

I am 20 years old and I just lost my baby this last weekend. I was 11 weeks along. We didn't know the sex yet, but I believe in my heart it was a little girl we would have named Ashlie Tierra.

I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. The 1st visit was routine with all the tests. At the 2nd visit (10 weeks) the Dr. wanted to do an ultrasound to see the heartbeat. My heart was in my throat when she said she couldn't see it.

She sent me to the hospital for a 2nd opinion. They couldn't see it either. They wanted to schedule me for a D&C the next day, but being 150% Pro-Life, I wanted to be ABSOLUTELY sure before I did anything.

I kept hoping it was just too early. I asked if I could wait one more week and have them look again. They agreed to that. I went back to the Dr. a week later and what I saw devastated me. The perfectly formed little baby I saw the 1st time was beginning to fade away and blur. They were right. My heart broke.

My Dr. scheduled me for a D&C 5 days later but I ended up having to go to the Emergency Room this weekend (2 days after the visit)because of bleeding and cramping. I had finally begun to miscarry on my own.

The Dr. said that I probablly couldn't do it on my own because I had so much tissue. They did the D&C at the hospital in the middle of the night. I feel SO (physically and emotionally) empty knowing she's gone.

I am so thankful for this site and those of you who have shared your stories. I now know what it's like to sit at the computer in the middle of the night, scared to death with so many questions. Your stories and experiences prepared me and helped me SO much!

I do believe that sharing helps you heal, so I wanted to share my story and poem with you. May God bless you, comfort you, and be with you.

Forever In My Heart...

I only had you 11 short weeks - inside of me to dwell
I loved you more than life itself - I know you knew that well

Although I never felt you kick - or even move around
For you I would have given my life - to keep you safe and sound

I remember the moment she told me - that something was terribly wrong
I remember at that moment - my heart lost its joyful song

I wanted to protect you - and make everything okay
I prayed and prayed and hoped and cried - for you both night and day

I never thought that it would mean - I'd have to say goodbye
That you would never have the chance - to grow, to laugh, to cry

I wish my love had been enough - to see you safely through
I prayed,I hoped,I wished,I cried - Wasn't there something I could do

My arms are aching for you now - but deep inside I know
That you are in a far better place - your new Heavenly home

Your precious heart stopped beating - your eyes to never see
For God reached down, took your hand - and whispered, "Come with Me"

I know that you're in Heaven now - dwelling with God above
I know that there's no sorrow there - just eternal love

I pray that God will hold you tight - and whisper in your ear
Just how much we love you - my precious little dear

Even though I miss you now - and nights are hard to get through
I know that there will come a day - when I will be with you

For all the long hard nights ahead - when I feel I can't go on
I pray that God will comfort me - and help me to be strong

Even though you're not here now - we're never far apart
Because you are a part of me - you're always in my heart.

I Love You~

Your Mommy

Ashlie Tierra
Wichita, KS

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Not knowing where to turn,
or better yet, who to turn to,
I sit in the dark alone,
more alone then I have ever felt.

The fridge ringing in my ears,
the curtains stairing me in the eyes,
the voices going through my head.

Your bad habits,
Your carelessness,
Your foolishness.

What am I supposed to do but suffer,
the way that child felt those few short weeks,
growing, feeding, hoping.
yet unaware of the consequence.
Unaware of what was yet to come.

All alone I sit,
pondering my own thoughts and feelings.
Wondering where to go next,
who to turn to next,
who to bother next.

Not knowing who will accept me next,
who will love me next,
who will cherish me next,
even after what I have done,
this crime I feel I have committed.

And then the words from his lips run through my head,
it is all for the better,
it is all for the better.
Knowing this is true and wondering why.
Is love this shallow and cruel?
Are we that lost in a world of what is right?
or what is wrong?

So I sit, all alone in the dark,
wondering why,
not knowing what lies before me,
or who lies before me,
or how I can be happy again.

Waltham, MA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I experienced a m/c on March 25 of this year. This was my second pregnancy. I have a 4 year old. This has been the most difficult experience I have ever gone through. I find it hard to put out of my mind.

Stephanie Rae Hilton
Naples, Fl

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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A tribute to my angels

Three years ago, the wonderful man I love and I got married. Shortly after our wedding day, we found out that we were pregnant. My heart burst with joy at the thought of our family already getting bigger. I would be proved wrong.

Four months after finding out about the baby, I went into labor. There was no stopping it and there was no way to save my precious little one. I was devastated.

A big part of me died with that child. I thought that the only way I could heal was to try again very soon. Two months later, I received the joyous news once again. Well that dream died all but 2 months later.

By this time, I was fearful and worried of having to go through it again. Therefore, I gave myself one year to heal both physically and emotionally.

Finally the day came again. A positive pregnancy test and a growing belly proved that I was once again expecting that wonderful family to grow. I felt great and everything was going as planned.

After 4.5 months of feeling great, my fate was tested once again. I was struck by an out-of-control driver on the road. I lost the baby that week. Well I gave up hope. By this time, I had suffered enough emotional heartache and physical pain that I thought it was over for good.

However, I unexpectedly conceived once again 2 years later. I am certain that you can guess what the outcome was? Of course. I miscarried at 11 weeks, and that was one week ago. I am lost for words.

My body, my soul and everything else that I had control over has fallen to pieces. I had dreams of a big happy family here on earth but it seems that my big happy family is building somewhere else.

I know that my angels are all watching me and taking care of me but I am so lost without my babies. Life just seems empty and every day seems more and more lonely. I have written a poem for my lost babies and I would like to share it with you.

To my Angels with love

We never got to meet you or hold you in our arms
That does not mean that we don't keep you in our hearts
Each one of you has a special place which we hold dear
Because in our heart is where we can feel you near

We'll never know who you would've become
Our famous daughter or our righteous son
We'll never hear your little voice say
"Mommy and daddy would you come and play?"

It seems as though our lives have been denied
The joy and pride of having a child
We are frustrated and angry, needless to say
Because we can't have you with us today

We know that you watch over us night and day
And that you are in a very far away place
You are all in a better place up above
And this is for you, my angels, with love.


Sudbury, Ontario

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In memory of my angel August 16, 1999

It is comforting to know that there are many others out there feeling the same pain from a miscarriage. I just had my first miscarriage last week. I never knew the pain could be so deep.

The only thing that has helped me deal with losing my sweet angel is the knowledge that God is still in control and that someday I will understand why this has happened.

In memory of my angel August 16, 1999

Donna Wilkinson
Evans, GA

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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I had a miscarriage 9/16/99. I still don't want to believe that this happen to me. Now I see that there are other people. Nobody will even talk about it.

Thanks much to all you have made me feel alittle better.

Lost for words and feelings!!!
Entry #2:

When you have nothing to even see it see very hard to understand. My questions are what could of he/she looked liked, what was the color of the eyes, and hair. I just can't stop myself from think about this all the time.

Marcia's thoughts: Your questions are very normal...and real ones! Lots of moms wonder what their baby might have looked like or grown up to be! I have suggested that moms write in diaries and when they can - address these very questions!

Or draw a picture of what you might think your baby would look like. Or, some have picked out a baby doll that they think might resemble their child. All has been done...all can help you to heal.

You can see what one mom thinks her baby would look like at four under Sharing Stories, Debbie's Diary - on page two there is a link to her sketch of Sarah.

"Baby Tara"
Madison, Wi

Marcia's Thoughts: Your supportive comments about finding a "home" to safely express your feelings mean much to me. My main reason for starting and maintaining this site is just that. If you haven't already, please consider emailing some of the other folks on these pages...they all are looking for outreach and support.

I know it is hard to express the many different feelings we move through after a gentle with yourself as you grieve and heal..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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My lost Angel. How I wish I could of held you in my arms if only for a moment. If only I had the chance to look at your little face. If only I could of counted your fingers and toes at birth.

I will forever hold you in my heart. I wonder if you can see the tears I cry for you? I wonder if you know how much Mommy loves you? I will love you forever and a day. My life will never be the same without you. I love you Raymond Richard.

Raymond Richard
Lowell, MA

Marcia's thoughts: Please look in the drop down box for "Coping Ideas" and read about naming your baby and doing something in memory of your baby. You might want to consider giving your baby a name - in doing so, we no longer deny this special child's presence in our lives. We gradually use the energy that we take to "deny" what we have been through and turn it around to better understand this walk we are on.

Also, under Making Your Child's Presence Meaningful, "Healing after a Miscarriage/Diaries" talks about your emotions and healing. What you are experiencing is normal feelings after a loss. It helps to recognize normal reactions and learn hope to help yourself as you grieve.

In the drop down box "Allowing Grieving to Happen to Heal" discusses this even more. As the due date comes around moms have a hard time as well as the fifth to seventh month after a loss is difficult (Sharing Stories, "The First Year, 5 to 7 months" and "Holidays, Anniversaries and Due Dates" (in the drop down box). It takes time to work through all we need to in order to heal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Hi, my name is Dana. I am twenty-seven years old. I had a miscarriage in December. I lost my baby in December. The reason is unknown. I cried constantly for two weeks.

I took a leave of absence from work and I thought I was on the road to coping when I returned. Recently, out of the blue, it hit me that I would be seven months preganant now and that had I carried full-term, I would be just two months away from delivering. This started an emotional roller coaster.

I quit my job. I felt I was no longer able to handle the responsibility. I burst into tears several times a day. It's worse at bedtime. I had to have a D&C so I have these reaccurring dreams of being wheeled to the operating room and of being visited by a grief counselor just before. I am terrified of how I am going to react when my due date finally rolls around. I think about Mother's Day. When will I ever get over this?

names picked but sex unknown at time of miscarriage

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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