SHARE Atlanta Pregnancy and Newborn Loss Grief Support

Share Logo SHARE Atlanta-Future Pregnancy Issues...

I feel as though I'm in the middle
of a tug of war between the present and the past.
...Part of me feels like that little engine that could:
"I think I can" go on with my life.
"I think I can"have a healthy baby.
"I think I can" be happy again.
Jennifer G.

Why is making this decision, and holding to that decision, so difficult?

The initial decision to have a child is usually very carefully thought through. For many couples today, certain elements in the family circle have to be determined before a baby is decided on.

After a loss, we have to add to our decision making: grieving, our loss of innocence, and all of our uncertainties and confusion around our present situation. No wonder this decision is so difficult. We feel a lack of control during a period that we crave reassurance and have a need for resolution.

Parents, moving at their own pace, must make decisions based on the information they can gather together.

Usually, it helps to have as much medical support as you can find. The parents need to be knowledgable about the medical circumstances surrounding their loss. Then they must feel confident about the doctor and the kinds of medical assistance that will be given during a subsequent pregnancy.

The Grieving Process is influencing this decision!

Parents need to understand that much of the confusion they are feeling is based in the grief process. Grief, by definition, controls our actions and causes us to react to our heart not to our mind. So decisions and rational actions often are hard to make. (Marcia McGinnis)

Jennifer's poem describes the roller coaster feelings...

I feel as though I'm in the middle
of a tug of war between the present and the past.
I want to be anywhere but here, in the now of my grief.
Part of me feels like that little engine that could:
"I think I can" go on with my life. "I think I can"
have a healthy baby. "I think I can" be happy again.

The other part of me looks back on that still-
newly wed me, all flush with the joy of an
unexpected but welcome pregnancy, naive and
trusting her body not to fail her, and I want to
go back and be her once again.
Jennifer G.
SHARE Atlanta

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"There is no "right" time to conceive again, but hopefully, a time will - eventually - seem best for you.

At our "future pregnancy" meetings the following reasons are usually given for waiting at least three to six months(and longer for some):

Time to heal the body as well as the soul.

Time to work through some of the grieving process (to get off the emotional roller coaster)

Time to examine any medical issues that need to be addressed

Time to separate one pregnancy from the other/one baby from the next

Time to allow space to better protect yourself, emotionally and mentally, from a possible subsequent loss

Time for both parents to agree on when to get pregnant again.

Time to prepare for the next pregnancy(medical care, support group, bed rest information, emotional understanding of how we might feel during the next pregnancy)

Time to think through where we have been and where we are going and how to cope with all of this.

Time is empty if we don't take the responsibility to work through our grief.

Written by Marcia McGinnis

"I understand more about my confusion, will my direction become clearer as I move down the path?"

Remember as we are thinking about conceiving again, we are dealing with the realities of life, death and grief. The drive for a sense of normality and continued life causes us to return to the feeling of hope.

The love that we have for each other and for our baby and, perhaps, the love our baby would want us to have, helps us to keep going. In this way we have not lost touch with our child, but we have make his/her life have a purpose in our changing life.

The choice to go on is yours, but know others share your concerns and understand your need to discuss this subject. You are not alone, SHARE members are ready to lend an ear or a hand as you come to this crossroad.

The Love Stays
The love for our baby stays
Love gives us hope...
We will survive and love again ~
In memory of Catherine, Elizabeth and Seth
In honor of Joel and Aaron
Because ~
Every child is Special
Every child makes a difference
Every child is part of who we are
and who we become.
I thank God for each blessing,
And for the strength to go on.
Marcia McGinnis 4/97

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~

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