Kevon Philip Micheal Priest
It has been three weeks since my little blued eyed baby boy died (he passed away nov. 17, 2000 ). My son's name was kevon philip micheal, he was 3 months and 29 days old.
This all still feels like a bad dream to me. I never thought that something like this would happen to me. I've gone over the night before and the day it all happened over and over again. I've been looking for any signs that would of told me that this was going to happen. I've also been trying not to blame myself but that is easier said then done.
What happened to my son was, on the morning of Nov. 17, 2000 I was getting ready for work(6:30 am) and something told me to go to my son. Well that's what I did. When I picked him up I was calling his name and moving him alittle in my arms. He wasn't responding to me like he always does. I started to get scared. I turned on the light and continued to call his name, noticing that his lips were all blue and his body cold. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. I ran up stairs with him yelling for my boyfriend. I remember yelling what is wrong with my son. I called 911 and we tried giving him cpr. I knew how to give him cpr. I just stood there for a min. froze.
The parametics got there and started cpr too. They took him to there truck to work on him. They at first wouldn't let me in the truck and then they did. all I really remember at this moment was praying for god to help my son, begging him to save his life.
We got to the hospital and they worked on my son for about 2 hours it seemed. At about 8:30 am they pronounced him dead. They allowed me and my family to hold my son for awhile. The coranor asked some questions and they then took him with the coranor. I didn't see him until the next evening at the furneral home.
I wasn't too happy with the furneral director. He asked questions then laughted at my answers, Like for instance he asked who his father was. Well his real father wasn't ever in his life, his choice. So I answered him by saying that his father wasn't in his life. So he replies who is he (boyfriend ) and how does he play into this. Then he laughted. You see my boyfriend and I started talking to each other when I was 32 weeks pregnant with Kevon and he raised him so to me he was his father. I told the director that I wanted to see my son and at first he wounldn't let me see him. I keep asking.
Seeing my son to me was the best thing I ever did. The director allowed me to get my son dressed by myself and at first it was really hard - feeling his stiff, cold body and wanting so badly for him to wake up and this really bad dream to be over. As I was getting him dressed I felt this srong feeling that the lord was there with me and my son - like I was dressing my son for him to take care of him for me now. That feeling was so srong in me the whole time I dressed him and the whole time until after I put my son's casket in the ground.
My boyfriend's mother said that Kevon was a beautiful angel and he was here just for alittle while and he left with a messsage. Indeed he did leave with a message. Since we lost Kevon my family and I have grown closer, something that was never there. My three children are bi-racial, there father is black and my family didn't care for that. But all this has changed that.
My sister and I have a lot of problems now because of our loss(she has said alot of hurtful things). I'm trying to get past all that, and I'm trying to make sense of all this. Why this happened to me? What I could have seen or done differently.
It is so hard, but I guess all I can do is take each day as it comes. I've put god in my life because of all this and so many things have changed. All I can see is that my boyfriend's mother was right Kevon brought with him a message for me. I love you Kevon and I'll always miss you.
Love your mommy, your sister - Jacarra, your brother - Tariq and your FATHER - Resse.
Angel
Kevon Philip Micheal Priest
7/19/00-11/17/00
Other
12/8/00
E-mail
Marcia's comments: The gifts that you have pulled from Kevon's death are very important. I have thought many times that my three losses had, for me, to have some meaning so that these babies' presence in my life would be woven in a positive way into my soul and heart. What a blessing your boyfriend and his family have been to you, too.
Please consider reading through some of the material I have written under (see drop down box) "The First 24 Hours and Later" and "Allowing Grief to Happen to Heal". I wrote both of these with the confusion and pain of grief tied with the overwhelming desire to heal - in mind. They are based on my own experience with quotes from entries made on the site to validate this process called grief.
There are several other sites that may help you as you move through the grieving process - they deal with grief of the loss of an older baby and one is the SIDS site. I don't know if Kevon's loss is considered a SIDS loss, but it sounds similar. The SIDS group here in Atlanta is very special and important. The Compassionate Friends groups also help grieiving parents. Our site has lots of information about grief that folks who have experienced any kind of loss can gain from, but most of our stories deal with loss during or right after a pregnancy (brand newborn death). Parents who have experienced the loss of an older baby have included their child in our Memorial Garden and Candlelighting section and we are blessed to do this. But, due to the large number of stories I have tried to stay focused on Pregnancy and Newborn Loss. I grieve each child's loss and want every parent to receive support. My hope is that you will find more parents on these sites who have experienced a slightly older baby's loss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Return to list of Letters and Poems
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the story of little Bou-Bou, or, Loïs Anastasia Lindeboom, daughter of Frans Berkvens and Monique Lindeboom.
Loïs was born on februari 8, 2002 in Amsterdam and passed away on February 10, 2002.
8-2-2002 Started as a beautiful day. At 7 AM Monique had a feeling that 'it' had started. At noon labor had really started. At 4:16 PM the midwife came and Monique was already as far as 8cm. Final part of labor started slowly and around 7:30 PM the midwife found out that Loïs her heartbeat was not coming back to a normal level.
We called an ambulance and we drove as quickly as possible to the hospital where Loïs was born at 8:17PM. She weight 3795 gram and her length was 53 cm, a perfectly normal baby one would think.
When Loïs was born she showed no signs of life. There was no heartbeat, and she did not breath. After re-examination her little heart started to beat again, but she could not breath without help.
Next day an EEG showed that she was nearly totally brain-dead due to, most probably, an acute lack of oxygen. In the night of February 9 to 10, we decided to let her pass away since the docters told us she would never be able to get better again. Loïs never showed a sign of life except when was still in Monique's womb. We took her home with us and she stayed with us till Friday, which was so nice.
On Friday, February 15, she was cremated.
As a memorial we made a special website for her with many pictures of her and for her in an very open and positively loving mood. Pictures of our last moments with her in the hospital, of how we made together with an artist a mask of her face which will be used for an artwork in bronze later on, photo's of all the special places we created for her in our house, how we take her with us on journeys, her little toys we keep, of the memorial jewelry which has been made in rose gold by an artist, and so on. Also, Monique made an artistic impression of Loïs as a 'virtual baby' which she, in a way, always has been for us...
We hope that our memorial will be of help to all parents whom lost their baby's as well. We received so many positive reactions in our country that we decided to share our memorial as well with people overseas.
Feel free to visit our site and leave some words if you like:-)
Website in memory of Lois Anastasia, 8 Feb 2002<
Best Regards,
Frans and Monique
Parents of Loïs Anastasia Lindeboom
8 feb 2002
Stillborn
Amsterdam, The Netherlands, Europe
7/14/02
E-mail
Marcia's thoughts: Dear Frans and Monique,
I just visited your website. It is so peaceful and blessed. A gift to you and others in memory of your special baby, Lois. It touches me that you have shared it with so many. I know it will bring comfort to other parents, and it will free others to form their own coping mementos and activities for their special baby.
I was touched by several things that you did. I thought that having Lois on the lamb's wool looked like fluffy clouds and heaven - with the white balloons to carry her to a loving place. So peaceful for others to add their white flowers and say "hello and goodbye." How special to have someone make a mask to be a bronze memory of Lois' face. Then having her home to gently be with her is a blessing many parents would love to have.
I helped to start SHARE Atlanta 18 years ago, and I know from being with 100's of parents that to do and be with your baby is a blessing that never stops. We hold these memories close for the rest of our lives and cherish them dearly. They help us to heal, and we all know that our little ones would want us to grieve them and to heal. By sharing what we each have done in their memory, helps other parents to know that they can survive and that mementos and special activities are normal, healthy, and part of the grieving process.
Thank you again for sending the URL to your site and for sharing your story with so many others.
Take care,
Marcia
www.shareatlanta.org
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Forever in Our Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Return to list of Letters and Poems
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
